Fucked up

So I fucked things up with John...ughhh why did he have to read my other blog which states everything I do with different guys on random days of rebellion against my parents during the wee hours of the morning. Why they don't catch on? I dunno...I mean I sleep a LOT during the day...c'mon??? Ughhh I dunno what I should do about the John situation, though I don't use his real name on the other blog he caught on...ughhh I'm a dummy.

Aaron...I still miss him and I wish everyday that passes tht once he comes out of basic training he will join me in San Antonio like he should. What if he's shipped off to who knows where before he even gets to come back and contact me. I miss him with such..missingness lol. I want to be in his arms again with his sweet kisses and all the rest that I am not at liberty to say...much too personal plus, y'all wont wanna hear about that stuff hahahah.

Tomorrow Shani is coming over and I'm not even much home...my room is upside down like it always is, but how do I do that so quickly I dont even know... My grandma and aunts left to SA today...they never invite me on those family trips and it kinda hurts me...though I can't go anyway but they didnt know that.

I went to the Aquarium today. No big deal...the kids had tons of fun and thats whats important. I don't really care if I didnt have as much fun as I thought I would have but i guess I have to spend as much time as I can with my lil bro before I go cause later he might just hate me with all the bad ideas my dad puts in his head about me. I'm not a bad sister...maybe I'm not the best daughter but i am a damn good sister.

Incomplete

Empty...thats how I feel. Aaron's Gone and what am I going to do? i can't really say that i will get over it cause well you never know with me, I guess nothing is really definite.

I change my mind a lot.I thought that i was never going to get over Esteban and though its kinda painful to say it...I am over him and I now realize that things between me and him wont happen. i was foolish to think so for almost a year. I know I will always LOVE Esteban with all my heart while time passes cause he was my first love...I will NEVER forget him and the beautiful memories he gave me.

These past few days Ive felt...nothing. Numb to all feelings possible. Why should i feel...I shouldnt, theres no need to when all I'll do is cry...or feel like shit.

I miss you!

Aaron,

you didnt call to say goodbye...youre an ass! so typical of you! But I guess when you called when i was fucked up...that was your goddbye...maybe I'm the ass...

New guy...well not that new

John,

You ass! hahahhaa youre so dumb!!!! Do you like me or do you not? I mean this past week youve told me that you only want a fuck buddy...and I told you that I just couldnt do that...Today you come to me with this bullshit about that youre pissed off about me going out with another guy.

make up your fuckin mind and then get back to me, ass!