At this point...i feel really stressed. I know I shouldn't. Its not as if my life is chaotic...or anything like that. Ugh...I just want Esteban to call me...I want to know what the hell I said...I want to know!
I want Aaron to call me...I want to know how he is doing, what hes doing if he;s ok, if he's having fun, if its beautiful over there...if hes lonely...I want to know so bad. I care about Aaron...
I just cant deal with this right now...I cant deal with it..I'm not crying over it. Crying...is something that I don't care to do anymore. I just don't have anybody to talk to about it. If I talk to somebody about it...they won't see it the way I see it. They wouldnt understand because they are not in my shoes. I mean it is quite complicated...how could I still be in love with Esteban? How could I still want Aaron in my life? its fuckin retarded!
I can't deal with this by myself...its so HARD for me to even write about it, but thats the only way I can express myself. I can't say anything to anybody and its KILLING me! I wanna scream! I wanna be able to cry...but it seems like an impossible task. I can't cry it just wont come out. I want some kind of relief...before I implode.
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