Last week

Last week, my grandmother died from colon cancer. She died in El Salvador. Idk how I should feel. Honestly, I feel nothing. I don't feel sadness or hapiness. Just empty.

My dad called me last Thursday to get him a ticket to El Salvador. He sounded distraught and like he had been crying. I felt bad for him. Its not cool to lose your one and only mother.

I came to Virginia for our roadtrip and I stopped by my aunt's house. My mom said that she had been majorly depressed. Especially since she cannot even visit her grave site. I know that if she could have traveled she would have. I didn't know what to tell her I just hugged her. I didn't wanna say anything at all. One word might have started a whole lot that I am not equipt to handle.

I called my mom and she said that my cousins have been crying their eyes out. I get it. They spent half their lives with her in the dirt and poverty before they moved to the US. They have bonds where I do not.

Our relationship was strained and nonexistant. So should my reaction or lack there of be ok? I'm glad that I'm not even home to be around everyone. They might regard me as cold or unemotional.

Idk that's all I have to say