The Exorsist

SO Saturday night Mayra, Shani and I went to a party down the street and I got fuckin wasted. I mean it was like new years wasted. After a while we came back to the dorm and then my room mate's friends were here. So Long story short I made an ass of myself. And some guy called me a bitch. I threw up like the exorsist. I called Aaron to tell him that I loved him. I called Mario to tell him that I loved Aaron. ha ha.

I called Aaron the next day when i heard the story. He didnt call me back until 8 at night and he was being sooooo nice to me. And I was soooo happy. He was just being so fuckin sweet. and I told him all about the story you know? Well He has the right to know. The conversation was soooo nice. We even planned out how our future is going to go. We're getting married in June...but i'm not moving to Germany cause I gotta finish school, but I'm going to visit every so often.

Today...he was the same as the night before. He even called me when he was at lunch. He was being really sweet and goofy...I love him when he's that way. But then...like he was telling me that I probably cheated on him with Art (yeah right as if a hot guy like him would be interested in me). And how was I so sure that I hadn't fucked him. And that why would any guy give a girl a beer if he didnt want something out of it. And that why did I call him at 3 o clock in the morning to tell him that I loved him. As if I was guilty and trying to make up for it. And that I couldn't give him one thing that could clear my name because I was wasted and because I blacked out.

He kept on telling me how much I fucked up. And I felt like crap. I stayed quiet...and he ended up falling asleep. I started crying a little too late cause he was already asleep (hes been going to sleep on the phone with me lately, but I always find it troublesome to fall asleep). I hung up and now I'm here...

Dancing in my UNDERPANTS!

I'm in a state of complete and utter...hapiness...lol. everytime I think about Aaron...its like wow...I really love him. I even dance around in my dorm room...to any type of music hahaha. lol fuck...There must really be something wrong with me if I'm THIS happy...when I don't have him with me...Why must he be so far away? That's what I get for being a supportive girlfriend, and letting him join the army. Ehh...in the end it will be good for both of us. I'm still not sure if I'll get to finish school...or if I'll even go next semester. Most likely I will...I think. I dunno.

So...I'm hella SORE...damn that abs class!!! lol I'm scared to go again but i know I have to do it. Aaron is trying to gain weight, but he lost. I'm trying to loose weight, but I'm not loosing or gaining...blah! I've lost more weight...starving myself like that week when Aaron left. Well...I didnt starve myself...lol thats imposible! I just didnt have an appetite. This is making me mad! I'm busting my ass literally and I'm getting no damn results! I wanna quit...but it gives me something to do...so whatever.

My mom eventually did decide to come over here...So thats cool.

Kitosis state

I have a HUGE headache..it started when I was walking to the dorm from the gym and Jay sent me a message bitching at me for what not. It automatically made me ANGRY, so angry that I got a headache. I took 2 tylenol rapid release pills, and it worked for a couple of hours but now it is back. Yesterday and today, I've felt so sore and tired. I'm really dissapointed that I only lost one pound in 3 days...Damn that pretzel I ate on Saturday!

I've been noticing since I've been going to the gym that the bigger people that go to the gym...which I rarely see twice, DON'T sweat...they just don't, and they leave rather quickly. I know that since I'm fat I'm supposed to sweat more, and I do, believe me, but why don't these people. It makes me really angry...lol. I dont know why that bothers me but it DOES!

The whole family is supposed to be coming down this weekend for my cousins' birthdays. My mom doesn't seem to want to come, but she probably will. This means overeating for like two days...I'll probably just eat one damn meal a day, the one everybody will eat which will be the Pizza at MrGatty's and whatever we eat on Friday with my aunt, cause she always seems to over feed us when we visit her. Mayra's coming down on Friday which means we will probably go to Antro's that night. And...ugh...probably iHop as our tradition goes. I can't afford all this extra eatings. I mean...I LOVE greasy food, hence the beautiful round figure I'm in, but I am fine with this diet. I'm not hungry at all. But ONE thing I do wrong and my kitosis state goes kabloowey. Exactly why I only lost one pound in 3 days. I'm SOOOO pissed off.

I was trying to get some studying in last night but Aaron called. He started reading this book to me...and I dunno...lol it seems kinda corny but his voice was really soothing...It got me relaxed and really, really glad. Like some adoration towards him...I dunno how to explain it. But i liked it. lol. But then he got pissy and messed it up like always. So whatever...but aww...lol for that one single moment I was TOTALLY in love with him completly.

So i was channel surfing and I stopped at Discovery health. It attracted me cause it was a overweight woman talking about how bad her periods were. And well...They were talking about my syndrome, PCOS. When she was talking bout when she was diagnosed, and how the doc told her that it may cause infertility...my heart sank, like hers did. I know that...you know people w/PCOS can have kids, but i dunno...I'm so scared. I hadn't thought of this in weeks. But now I feel the same anguish I felt when it first sunk in. PCOS is heriditary...which...makes me think that its not...cause everybody else in the fam has kids. Well except for my aunt Isabel...it is rumored that she might not be able to have kids.

I dunno...but i better take a shower before Aaron calls back.

Shaking my Jelly

Me and Jay HAVEN'T broken up. I dunno how many times I have to suggest to break it off before he actually caves in. I'm just so pissed off and I'm agravated, frustrated...AHHHH!!! it seems to be going the same way with Aaron and his pissy mood. I'm tired of it!!! I just want a normal healthy relationship...thats all I ask!

So...I've started a diet...lol I know I'm laughing too! I've stuck by it for 3 days lol...yes! I didnt cheat...Mainly because I'm never really hungry. Besides I eat 6 times a day! The oatmeal sucks...I hate OATMEAL! Its for old people. And the broccoli soup sucks too! lol. Today I tried the belly ancing class...it was fun. We had a hoot watching ourselves making weird movements and vibrating lol. I've actually gone to gym regularly. I don't take naps during the day...well I took a 2-hr one today cause I only slept 4 hours last night. Weird stuff huh?

I had my first two quizzes of the smemester today...and I have to say that I did pretty good. I thought Lit was going to be the worst class I had but i actually like it. the worst class has to be american politics...The problem is that I actually have to show up. I hate that we're going over things that i already know like the back of my hand. It annoys the fuck out of me that I have to sit there in a crowded class...nodding off. Its HORRIBLE!