STDs & Romance

Life sucks ass

In a weekend my whole life goes to shit...I'm jobless and stuck in houston for the summer. Juan left. That motherfucker left texas already. I wanna scream in fucking agony! My heart has been broken into a million fucking pieces and I can't do anything...

I wanna just fill the tub up with water and sink in...hold my breath and close my eyes...and maybe even drown for a minute...

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do without him? Without him here, close to me? I can't feel anything for anybody else! I can't! Its like I've been cursed. I've tried sooo hard to feel something for somebody else, and it doesn't happen.

Getting over him has been long overdue; it just doesn't happen. Everybody else...I don't even remember...the other day I couldn't remember fucking Oscars name. Wait...I don't remember the name of the guy I dated before Juan. Carlos? Idk. I remember his face.

I wanna be a zombie again...lifeless and depressed. I don't want anybody else to enter my life. Nobody can take his place in my heart...I refuse to settle again. I won't do that. That's why I stopped trying to feel anything for anyone else. I can't do it.

I keep comparing. Not one single person is like him. I could have always found a macho mexican to replace aaron, or a needy minute man for steven or an indecisive person like Esteban. Juan is a different story. He lit up my motherfucking life. He had this way...of his. I wish I could explain it, but no fantastical words could properly describe his awesomeness.

I have 5 dollars to my name...my next paycheck goes to bills. I'm officially poor.

Fml

Stick Shift Fail

VLOGGGGG1!!!

So, for some reason my vlogs aren't uploading STILL Im really pissed.

Ahhh! I had been doing so well...I've been 2 weeks Juan-meltdown free. lol Today it was like thing after thing. First I saw a snowcone place, in the white side of SA, really? lol Then I saw like 10 cars that were exactly the same as his...well not exactly cause his has all them things. Then Reppin' my block came on on the radio...blah I cringed. IDK...maybe I'm weird, but when I'm about to cry and I'm holding it in theres a noise...like a stampede. Ok now I sound crazy, but I hear a stampede noise. I stopped myself, and it was all good.

blogger wtf?

Im So mad...is blogger broken or something?
I cannot upload my vlogs to blogger. Its like I've been vlogging for no reason! It cannot be my internet connection because I uploaded the last of the fiesta vids a couple of hour and it uploaded in like 5 minutes. I tried uploading from my Macbook, I tried uploading from my Vaio...NOTHING! Whats this craziness? I didn't even much vlog yesterday cause I was so pissed off. what I vlogged today, I haven't edited. And I'm def NOT gonna upload all my vlogs to facebook that would be weirdddd.

Step Bitch

Apt Blues

Date with my toilet

I'm such a baby I even called my mom...
but my mom knows that if I call her @ 130 am cause I feel sick its because I REALLY am sick.
She even offered to come over to SA
Aint she a good mom?

tiresome

Eff my J-O-B

And I pass out again

Wine-Os

Sharks!

Ugh so I'm still working on a way to put both my vids from my camera and my macbook TOGETHER
I mean I know that I need a thing to convert, but where do I get that?!? and which one do use???

But I'm just saying

Goodies!

Week Highlights

!

Silently slipping

I talk a lot of shit about people whining about their relationships...haha but I whine a lot about not being with Juan. But just to my blog/vlog not to my friends, at least. Haha but I annoy myself a little.

I feel shitty...I am empty. Nobody "lights my fire" Haha like today I was with that hot ass dude Stephen, and I wasn't nervous like I usually am around dudes I'm attracted to. I was making eye contact. I wasn't interested. Not because he was "defective" but I just didn't care to...I don't want anyone else.

I'm usually into SOMEBODY or numerous bodies lol. Not now...

I am confused...I want to feel something for someone. I want to make somebody happy, and in return be happy

Whineeee

My Mac Came in!!!

This takes getting used to...

Parte Dos

Weird Angle

School Final

Knocked Down Twice In One Day

Ehhh I wasn't home all weekend so thats why I didn't edit the other blogs...will do by friday...I hope!