Bl-ugh

I'm upset. I am in Houston and Matthew hasn't called me in two days. He did the same shit when I had just came back from VA. I'm soooo mad...so upset, so disappointed. And yeah, I'm a sensitive gal...thats just how I am, but this is different. I'm not like blowing up his phone...I'm not texting and calling him every 5 minutes. I'm not.

I'm no longer that girl...that hates when her bf goes out a couple of nights a week with his friends. I could honestly care less, as long as he calls me, texts me...ever so often through out the day. one text and one call would honestly be enough for me. idk. a text takes 5 seconds to write.

When he hadn't spoken to me when I had just gotten back from VA, it was because he was out in the gulf for his job. He told me he was there when he was already there. It upset me because I didn't feel important enough to him to be informed of it before hand. Why didnt he tell me before he left?

I hate to always be a negative person and think negative thoughts...So I thought, "Maybe something happened with his dad because he did have to be in the hospital for a couple of days because of his chemo" idk...it still comes back to me that I am not important enough to be informed of anything. Wouldn't you tell your gf that your dad is REALLY sick? Wouldn't you want her there for support?

This whole situation has really upset me the past two days...idk. I feel stupid. Since we have 2 separate sleep schedules, I usually email him at night with what I did...I was feeling REALLY sick like a couple of days ago...puking and headaches galore...No call asking if I was ok. nothing. Can you imagine how fucking crappy I felt? yeah. I mean I know that we're not together...we're not, but idk sometimes I feel like we are somehow.

I just feel like emailing him, "I care about you so much, but Maybe this isn't the right time in your life for me to be in it. You have other things going on and I just don't fit in the equation at the moment. So, get back to me when you do have the time"

He hasn't made me feel good in a while. I honestly want to throw in the towel, and wipe my hands clean of him. or maybe I could keep him...but lower his importance level. Maybe I should invest time in Joseph.