As big as a house

I finally put my shoes and clothes in the closet. I have my huge xray up. My xbox, tv, and ps2 are set up. The bathroom closet is organized with all of my things. I feel accomplished in some sense, but in another I feel like a complete failure.

I have no intention in talking to Matthew again. Not because of NYE, but idk. I feel like I need more confidence in myself to go forward with a relationship. I still need to work on myself before I can move forward with other ventures. I might speak to him later, but as of now, I want nothing to do with anyone. I guess I feel the same exact way I felt last year around this time - A horrible feeling of disgust. Weird weird feeling.

I have a couple of goals for this year...I dont want to call them resolutions - those are never really achieved lol.

1. Tackle the weight : I was looking at some pictures that were taken within the past month of me, and well I am as big as a house. I cannot look like this ANY longer. For some reason when I look in the mirror I do not see what other people see. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see ok, but when I see the pictures I am like WHOOOAAA nooooo!!! and more so - gross.

2. Elude sexy...err just decent? : I may be as big as a house, but that doesn't mean that I have to look like a run down house lol. I want to be trendier and cuter and accessorize blah blah

3. Fresh face : I have had problems with acne since I hit puberty. Its something that I have just not escaped. It went away with Doxicycline, but I couldn't take that forever. These Mario Badescu OTC products are the only ones that have actually worked...but I have to use them DAILY - its a pain in the ass to rub 5 million products on your face twice a day.

4. Graduate : I really need to get my ass out of school. I feel worthless as super senior going on super-duper. I am a real loser at this point.

Those are all the ones I could think of. Well the major important ones anyway. I am not even excited about my birthday. In fact, I haven't planned anything AT ALL. I feel really emo, and it doesn't even much feel like my birthday. I feel very - not important.

I signed on to Myspace after like...a week or so, and I was just tra la la la la...I clicked on my favorites where Juan's profile was listed on, and poof. it wasn't there. I hadn't gone to his profile since he didnt message me back. i guess I can't cyber stalk him anymore :/

I bought a huge nail polish rack at my local nail supply store, but I haven't put it on the wall yet. It made me super excited lol. probably the only time I have been excited this whole year...fml.