Because its v-day?

I managed to go through today taking it as a regular Sunday, nothing special at all. I have like 3 vids that I haven't uploaded. 2 major vids I haven't even edited. Blah.

Anyway, today was pretty whatever. I made chicken and cleaned the whole house with my bro. My mind was occupied for the most part. I even laughed at the fact that one of my ex's status was all emo because he was alone on this day. Loser! Lmao

I signed on to yahoo and Matthew was online. Good thing I always sign in invisible. Lol. I don't want him to think that I was only online for him or that I wanted to speak to him or that I was online on v-day. Oh the multitude of crap that I think of. Lol.

I loaded a crap load of music on to my iPod, particularly Placebo. I've been listening to them like crazy recently. I'm in bed right now listening through one earbud since I always mess them up. So, I downloaded songs without pre listening. The third song on my playlist was the Romeo and Juliet song. Ugh. It upset me. Not because it was the Romeo song but because it was all sad sounding. Then of course when I'm all emo I think of Juan.

The whole "nobody compares to him" thing always circles my mind. My mind cannot wrap itself around finding somebody better or equivalent. It can't. Its not capable. This plagues me. I compare everyone to him. I forget that everyone is their own person.

I fantasize about how it would be to marry him, to have his children, to build an entire life with him. Pointless thoughts. Time wasted. I'm not ever even going to see him. I'm not going to touch him. Too much time has been placed in between us. Ugh. Sometimes I think that I should hire a private eye in a couple of years so that I can track him down and "bump" into him. If he's in Cali I'd ask Val to hook me up with a job at Paramount.

What I would give to be in the same room with him or to even hear his voice. I refuse to delete his number. I miss how he made fun of me for laughing with my mouth closed. I miss how we used to call eachother gay when we were sweet to eachother. I just want him to come back to me.

Ugh. I haven't gotten this emotional in MONTHS especially over him.

Blah. I need a delorian to go back to 2007.
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