So this past week has been kinda weird on me. The supposed college sweetheart broke up with me on Sunday...but a few hours later I got back with Aaron. I'm still hurt about the college sweetheart to be honest with you. I mean I thought that things would work out wonderfully...but he was just a college player...like most guys are, he was just interested in sex. Maybe things wouldnt be so bad with me emotionally if we hadnt done anything. Don't get me wrong...I didnt fuck him, but still. What bothers me more is that he's been hanging out a lot with my room mate...and he tells me purposely as if to make me jealous...and its working. I hate it! It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough. Maybe...if I EVER get thin, he'll know what he missed out on. lol I dont know...I'm just trying to make myself feel better.
That day...I was determined to go see Aaron at any cost. I miss Aaron...I miss him more than anything...Aaron is my safe haven...my rock...my strength. Seeing Aaron is going to cost me big bucks...300 for plane ticket...and extra stuff. hotel, transportation, food. well Maybe not food (talk about that later). I told mom...yeah I know that was kinda stupid on my count. But I wanted to get a discount at the marriot dammit!!! lol...and I would feel guilty...a bit. And then they would ask where i spent all my money on and what not. I'm just really stressed out and I wanna see my babe...the love of my life.
So about food...for some reason...well i probably know why, but anyway. I havent been eating right this week. For example, today's dinner and only meal consisted of a 100 calorie pack and my pills, with water of course. I'm not hungry...I dont want food. Yesterday I ate more...i had some strawberries and the calorie pack. And I've been going to the gym...90 minutes, burning about 800 calories. and adding abs class to it. Maybe...its cause of the whole break up thing. That i'm not thin enough for society's "pretty." I dunno...I'm just not hungry. Maybe when I go back home I'll be back to normal. Since everybody just seems to eat over there.
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