Now that's stupid

Ugh...so my prediction was correct. I am all emotional...but it wasn't the reason why I would usually be emotional. The whole I'm talking to him but I can't really do much past that kind of thing. This time its worse. I know its really stupid to be crying over this and if it were somebody else I would never give a damn...cause really? Why should I care if somebody doesn't text me back. 

On the other hand, I have Juan here...he ALWAYS gets back to me...NO MATTER WHAT. I texted him this afternoon and he never wrote me back. I didn't have much time to think about it with the whole family shit happening and I would leave my phone around not really paying much attention to it. He hasn't texted me. I would understand if I had made a reference to "Snuggle Bunny" because it was easter and thats what I called him. My eyes are kind of teary right now. I hate it! Its retarded to be feeling this way. I hate that I am in love with him. I do. Its not fair, and now my make up is running, great! Juan Sunday is supposed to be bittersweet not just bitter. I hate that he's so perfect for me. I hate that now I have such a high standard for the next one...obviously not the previous one lol but that was the rebound guy that seemed promising but wasn't. 

I feel pressured by my dad's side of the family to come up with somebody. All of my cousins my age are married...or have live in bfs or have kids...whatever. What am I gonna have? A career? And yeah, I will be proud of that when I get it, but i will be alone. I will have nobody to share the wonderfulness with.

I don't know whats WRONG with me! I don't see any other guy remotely great, interesting or even hot. I don't have the desire to pretend, to search, or to even allow another guy enter my life. I know that I do not want to be alone, but I don't want anyone, except for him. This is so frustrating. I'm angry with my emotions right now! 

I broke his heart, and in turn he unintentionally broke mine. 

...

Ohhhh how would it please me to call him Snuggle Bunny again, to call him babe, to tell him that I love him unconditionally. I want to do something simple like hold his hand, take a walk...talk about effin cars or weinerschnitzel, listen to Reppin' my block...text a gabillion times a day like we used to, laugh about the gayness of our sappy words, snowcones! lol, sweet sweet love, UFC shorts...blah

He's leaving me...

What am I gonna do?