Just like me

I've become an addict to blogging. Maybe because somehow I feel like I'm actually talking about my problems to somebody. Gosh sometimes I wish I was on meds or something. But as a hispanic, deppression doesnt really exist...and whatever I have can get slapped off like nothing.

Sometimes knowing nothing is better than knowing at all.

I dont feel like crap because of him...just cause I dunno...I dont even know how to explain it. I'm scared that what happened to me freshman year in high school is goingto end repeating itself. AHHH!!! I want them all gone so I can scream!!! I swear sometimes i wish I lived alone.

I keep on thinking about everything...like how am I going to end up paying for my school? Am I even going to be able to stay here another year? can i even afford it? I mean like id I go back home or end up flunking out, my dad will be there telling me, I TOLD YOU SO! He said he wasnt paying a cent...when he has in his bank account way over 20, 000. One semester fully paid would have been enough. Or at least him paying what tuition would have cost if I attended U of H. My stafford loan, and grants and my scholarship would have paid the rest. But no! He's so stubborn.

I take up for his side of the family. Me and him are very much alike. And we are like oil and water...when it comes to socializing with eachother. I dont understand...how could you live without even socializing with your own flesh and blood. And it angers me that now that I'm gone he talks to all types of people about me saying, "Oh my daughter is so smart shes going to college, She takes up for me, did you know that? Yeah she's just like her old man. She may not do a lot of things, but when she does do them she does them right. She doesnt bull shit around." I am like him in a lot of ways...most of who i am resembles him. But when it comes to my inner deep feelings, I'm fragile like my mom. But he couldnt tell me all that shit to my face? No, the good shit, they never fuckin tell you, but the bad shit, they get a tongue work out.

I'm obsessing over Aaron...all I do is think about him. I'm concerned for my mental health haha