Cancer

So I've been pretty lazy about my vlogs lately. I filmed two and I havent edited them. The one of my mom's graduation last friday is edited, but hasn't been posted or converted to .avi

So...my grandma from my dad's side has been diagnosed with colon cancer. That's what she has. She had a malignant tumor in her lower intestine I think...blah. nobody ever tells me anything. And I guess now I feel bad. She can't walk for about a month. I spoke to my cousin Elsa yesterday and she gave me the scoop. She was extremely concerned since she was partially raised by her. On the other hand I haven't really had that many encounters with her past the age of 13 and well i'm near 23 so that makes it 10 years. I guess thats why my dad didn't invite me to go with them. Not that I could have gone, or maybe I could have...whatever.

Yeah, idk. I don't think I will be that concerned really, but I guess she is a human being and I should feel bad that she is in pain.

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Not only do I feel slightly guilty about the whole grandma thing but...

I really like this one guy...and its not like Ray-like that faded away in a week...its like I REALLY do like him. and for some reason I feel guilty about it. I feel like I am cheating on Juan for some reason. I mean who effin' knows if he hasnt reunited with a girl over there in California. Yes, I still do fear that, as pathetic as it seems. Juan is gorgeous, and amazingly sweet and funny...why wouldn't some girl scoop him up? Juan is my snuggle bunny. Shit shit...I felt the tears coming up lol

Anyway, his name is Alejandro. He's 27...yes 27. He's Pentecostal...my grandma's religion. Ugh I hated when she was trying to force to convert me. In a way, that can be a problem since Pentecostal people live at church. I hate that. I really do.

I really hated that he read right through me. He said, "You are mean and tough around the edges, but I bet you are vulnerable" and that sparked a conversation...and I ended up telling him that I liked him, but that it was scary...to like him because I really hadn't felt much for anybody in a while. That was kinda hard to admit.

idk about him. I honestly want to stop liking him. lol I think he's a suspicious guy...that has secrets and such. I mean he's never kept anything from me. He's always answered any question that Ive had...but idk. I have a gut feeling.