My Soul

Last night, I fell right to sleep after i got home from the baby shower. My mind shows me no mercy. That even in my dreams - there he is. I had a dream with Juan...it felt real. It felt real because everything in my dream was accurate. Usually when I dream something is off. Like instead of going from the front door of my house to the the living room, I would go from the front door to a stadium. Or there is something in there that is off...like purple skies or a cow in the living room. lol Something random like that. This dream actually made some sense.

We had reunited because we lived in the same apt complex...They were really nice btw. it was really sunny...it felt beachy. I had just moved in and he lived in the building across from mine. I saw him when he was taking out the trash. He was wearing a white v-neck tee and some board shorts/swim trunks whatever they're called. If only that would happen in real life.

i saw him, and I was like OMG!!! I couldn't believe my eyes. According to the dream we got to know each other again, as friends. We came back to Texas together, and we were in my parent's house. He was here on this bed...holding me. I was talking to him about moving forward again. He hadn't made up his mind about forgiving me yet...

He got up and walked over to the kitchen, and I was thinking to myself "Shit, my parents are gonna know that he's in my room!" So I stood, peaking by the wall that separates the hallway and the living room. My mom and my brother were there, and Juan says something funny, and they both laugh. He was walking back to my room...when

The smoke alarm went off, and I woke up.

I've been in a terrible emo mood ever since I woke up.

I've been teary-eyed...and all sorts of gay.

I've been not-so-nice with Alejandro. As if I'm punishing him for not being as amazing as Juan.

I'm so sick of this fucking shit.

He took my heart, and I think he took my soul.