Nevermind

I filmed a just now, but as I was editing I noticed how pathetic I looked. So, I just deleted it. I rather be pathetic while writing than while you see my face.

I don't usually use my VAIO unless I need to download something or update my ipod. I was going to go through Juan and I's old conversation logs a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't. So, today I was going to update my iPod. I opened iTunes and I noticed that my bro had downloaded stuff without my permission. I got worried because if he downloads the wrong thing my computer will crash, and EVERYTHING will be GONE!

I decided to copy the log onto my flash drive and then onto Google docs for safe keeping. I read the whole thing, and I cried a couple of times. I would read something that would make me laugh and then cry about it because I don't have him anymore. Or I would cry when he would say the most beautiful things to me. it was AWFUL. I tortured myself the whole day. I couldn't even finish reading it. I'm such a baby. I want to keep crying, and cry it ALL out of me.

however, Crying doesn't help. I'm tired of being a fucking retard. I'm fucking exhausted. I need to get on another fucking train...not a man train but a different outlet train lol.