Ended with NONE

So I talked to JR yesterday. he said "whats weong with you? what did somebody do to you? why are you so cold? you're not the same Cindy I met"
Doesnt that sound like deja vu? I was just in my I-dont-give-a-fuck attitude. I had just hung up with Aaron. So he told me..."you dont have to worry about me anymore. I'm leaving Thursday to mexico and I'm staying there for three months," and I asked why and he said, her per"there's nothing left for me here" that was a burn wasnt it? yeah it was brought on myself so...its whatever.i didnt feel anything towards JR except friendship. i could NEVER be sweet to him, even when he begged me to. Thats bad. he's better off without me.

Aaron called me before him. I really do think he's talking to somebody else. he's hung up on my like 5 times because his line clicks. Dont you think thats odd? Maybe it wasnt working with the out with the other person and thats why he was calling me. so yesterday he told me that if I didnt tell him that i loved him he would leave. And I didnt say a word and he left. he hasnt called today so that means he gave up. In a way I'm really sad. i want to cry, but only because now i know that nobody cares for me, nobody else is there for me. I'm alone again. I'm going to go crazy now...

Esteban...2 days ago last i heard. I want to cry...actually i did when I was talking to Vanessa about it. i think she noticed. she was like "are you ok?" and of course its no. How am i supposed to get over him? its been a year I've tried everything! NOTHING WORKS!!! AHHHHH!!! OK...NOW I'M SOBBING. I want to pretend that he's dead. I want him gone from my memories so bad that i'd rather believe that than him being with another girl. All the love i have for him is going to waste. Being produced but not used...cant get revenue like that I'm going to end up bankrupt... i already am. Its been a year and I cant believe that I'm NOT over him. Its one of those things that i am truly amazed by. I want him to come back to me, but its not possible. Theres no point now huh? I'm going to San Antonio, he doesnt seem to mind. That hurts...it hurts that he's way past over me. I dont blame him, I would be over me too. I dont understand what was going through my head and how i fucked up so much. gOD! HELP!