I still hate him

I don't know why I do this over and over like if I don't know whats going on. I keep on going back to him knowing how sick our relationship always is. I mean its just not normal. We bicker at eachother constantly. I'm so sick of it. Like last night He called and he sounded really upset and I asked what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me and then he startedtalking about his day and I was like cool you know? He said he went to apply for a job with this railroad thing I don't know. Pacific Union. And then he was like "I went to talk to my aunt (His aunt is like a witch doctor/fourtune teller/psychic) and I asked her about Monica and she said that she was pregnat" So like he was was really sad about and then I asked what he planned to do about it and he was like don't worry this is my problem. and then I was trying to get him to tell me what was wrong other than that and he wouldn't tell me but i kept on nagging him to tell me and finally he said "I just need a hug" and then it was quiet and then he said "I'm going through the worst time of my life and you're not even here to tell me that everything is going to be ok" and well I NEVER know what to say in situations like that. Anyway I couldn't go see him casue it was 12 am and my g-ma would trip over it. And then I was like I'm sorry but i can't cause well I couldn't. The times of me sneaking out of the house for stupid reasons not that that was a stupid reason...well those times are over. i don't need extra drama. So then he starts going off that i don't really love him and I'm assuring him and I keep on saying it and he was like "Oh so now its just a game to you?" and well I was laughing but its cause I wanted to be happy with him. So then the fucker gets mad and he hangs up on me.

Then I was so sleepy that I really didn't mind cause I was super tired. I fell asleep quick. Then who knows how long later he calls me back and apoligizes. And the fucker wants something that he promised he wasn't going to ask for. And I was really pissed off I said "I'm at my grandma's house, I'm not going to and you promised" and then he goes again with the "If you really loved me you would never deny me that" OHHHH LORD I was so mad. And he was in the "I'm going to kill myself" stage again. UGHH then he was just like whatever and he calmed down but he was really cold. Fuck it...I don't care. He's raising my blood pressure. when I fight with him I feel like my insides are at my throat its horrible.