Aaron,
I dont know why I told you that I loved you when I really didnt maybe I just felt like you were the only one left to love me since Esteban is gone... I want to be loved so bad that i lie to you because i want to feel loved and i want somebody to tell me that they do cause nobody does. I have sex with you only to make you happy. i suppose its a give and take situation. i dont particularly like sex unless I'm in love and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that i AM in fact in love with you I just cant and i dont enjoy it. I know that if I was in love with you I would love it. You know why I know this? I know this because you make me really horny and wet everytime. You have NO problem doing that, but when we actually fuck I feel cheap. I feel as if i were selling myself. Before we actually have intercourse, you know exactly where to touch me and how to touch me. I love it when you finger me, and when you place your fingers somewhere else heh. But when we quit the foreplay, it feels awful. I want to cry everytime. Youre not Esteban! and you never will be. You will never take his place and I wish you would give up on trying to love me. You say you cant live without me but you cant live with me either. it seems like 70% of our relationship is only sex. You cant give me any kind of conversation. i have so much in common with you that i think we cancel eachother out. if we had the good things in common it wouldnt be bad...arghhh i dont know i guess i'll have to ride this thing out again.
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