Aaron's leaving me

Aaron,

Youre going to the army in like a week or two and youre leaving me behind...I feel so alone without you but i know this was the best decision. We are not...NOT meant to be together...we should just come to terms to it. i appreciated the gesture...Buying a house for the both of us in San Antonio...that would have been nice but I NEEDED to be a bitch with you so that we would seperate. I do...love you and I hate it. i hate it so much I try to deny it...I do deny it, but denying it doesnt take it out of my heart. i wish it would. i wouldnt be in such pain...I cover it up...I've never really been able to do that. I covered up the love I feel for you. I guess i got it from you. I havent cried or been upset enough to tear up. I am doing a good job you would probably be proud of me for being a success at covering up something that is really hard for me to do. you know that i am a VERY sensitive person. Just my sleeping patterns have been weird...My mom thinks I'm over dosing in sleeping pills and shes right...lol she took away the bottle. I wanted to SLEEP!!! i didnt want to feel like shit...I wanted to forget it all. I dont think that was so bad...now I just lie lifeless on my bed looking at the wall or the ceiling without a blink...

I just never realized...that you meant THIS much to me.