Can't Sleep

i can't sleep...I have turned into an insomniac ever since me and Aaron broke up. I have become a mess...so many thoughts are going through my head that WONT let me rest.

I have put aside the fact that me and Esteban ended things a year ago and things will never go back to normal. It has been in the back of my mind all this time. But i refused to post anything because I thought that that was only going to worsen the fact that it did happen. i've been without him for a while now and it still hurts. maybe not as much as before but it does. I guess the whole Aaron thing has over clouded it. But its still there and theres no use in it ignoring it because it will claw at me...until I find somebody else to take the presidential suite in my heart.

I am debating within myself if I should call Aaron and apoligize...I know that thats what i should do, but then again i shouldnt. I now remember that that day he also said, "maybe when I'm a general and your a big top notch politician we will meet again" So I guess it was his way of saying goodbye right? i dont know...I'm so confused and I dont know what to do! I just want him to call me again...for his last goodbye.