Million $ Baby

After these past two weeks of being alone here and thinking so much. I've been thinking about life and the people that have been in and out of it. The girls in the old clique, the boys in the old clique, Aaron, Ana h, people that I was friends with in High school that obviously I'm NOT going to talk to anymore.

I was watching Million Dollar Baby…and I dunno it got me thinking. I shouldn't be mad at people cause life is short. Right? I don’t know its just been a LONG time already from when I was friends with my ex-clique. I haven't really talked to them at all in like two years…yeah hit two years last semester. I mean I still know why I got upset with them. Its funny how I knew that Amber getting pregnant was going to happen. I knew it, I don't know why but I did. I even told her to be careful…the last letter I sent her. I miss her, I miss all of them. I miss Nataly, I miss Marisol, I miss Jairo, I miss Melesio, I miss Raul. I miss them all so much. I don't know…people that TRULY know me should know that I LOVE babies. Maybe cause ever since, my baby scare, I wanted one. I was so disappointed but relieved at the same time. And now…I view the world in a very different way, about babies anyway. I want to be a part of their babies' lives. All three of them. I want to be there…I want to be there so bad, that its almost crazy. I sent a message tearfully of my dilemma to Vanessa…hopefully she fulfills my wish.

Aaron, I need to have contact with him. If he doesn’t call by Sunday I WILL call. I need to explain things to him. I need to have a heart to heart with him. If things end, the will end my way. Not some stupid immature way like screaming and cursing at each other like we always do. I will explain things peacefully, I will say my goodbyes crying probably. Most likely I presume. I miss him so much.

I'm so stupid I always fuck things up. If he leaves Houston, without having contact with me, I will feel guilty and angry at myself.