OK the secret is OUT! I miss Aaron…more than I ever have before. But why??!?!? What did I do to deserve this? This hurts! I want to cry my eyes out. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. That’s how bad it is. My head hurts from some paint thinner. I want to just be done with alo of this. I'm sick of it…its like that silvery taste that that pill left in my mouth. Its nasty but its wouldn't go away the whole day.
Vanessa once told me that I do a good job at hiding my pain. And I am hiding my pain. Nobody knows about it. Its all just bottled up inside. I don’t trust anybody for me to tell them anything. I would tell Vanessa cause she's the only peer I have that would understand because we're both equally messed up. Yup, we are.
I miss him…and I want to cry but somehow I can't cry. All he called me for yesterday is to make sure I was alive for him to beat at me with his words again. How sad.
I want it all taken away, my pain and my suffering. I keep on acting so…so…happy on the outside, so ready to laugh at anything stupid or sorta funny but I'm not that. If verybody acted how they actually felt there wouldn't be that many happy faces I presume. I wasn’t going to let this get to me, I wasn't going to let HIM get to me but he did.
Its like that song Boiler by Limp Bizkit except that I hate him so much that I don't wanna come back knowing that I will because I feel the need to be with him. This stupid feeling that I can't control. Or maybe its just that I'm acting this way because its fresh in my mind. Sooner or later it will pass, right?
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