why do i still miss you 6/8

Aaron,
After all the bullshit you've given me for almost a year I feel like I miss you more than ever and its killing me. I don’t' want to miss you at all. I want you in a deep dark hole like those Asian holes in some world war. And that all you can receive is water till you rot. I don't know why I miss you. I want you here with me holding me. I want you to tell me that you didn’t mean anything you said. I want you to tell me that you said it out of sadness or anger. I don't know give me some stupid believable excuse so that we can be together again. I want you to call me again and apologize, like we always do. But I don't think that will happen. You said that this was going to be the last time…the times before, you never said that it was going to be that last time. So all I can do is wait and see if you are actually going to keep your word and not call me again. Maybe you will call me in some weeks or before I leave for San Antonio.