Fucked up

So I fucked things up with John...ughhh why did he have to read my other blog which states everything I do with different guys on random days of rebellion against my parents during the wee hours of the morning. Why they don't catch on? I dunno...I mean I sleep a LOT during the day...c'mon??? Ughhh I dunno what I should do about the John situation, though I don't use his real name on the other blog he caught on...ughhh I'm a dummy.

Aaron...I still miss him and I wish everyday that passes tht once he comes out of basic training he will join me in San Antonio like he should. What if he's shipped off to who knows where before he even gets to come back and contact me. I miss him with such..missingness lol. I want to be in his arms again with his sweet kisses and all the rest that I am not at liberty to say...much too personal plus, y'all wont wanna hear about that stuff hahahah.

Tomorrow Shani is coming over and I'm not even much home...my room is upside down like it always is, but how do I do that so quickly I dont even know... My grandma and aunts left to SA today...they never invite me on those family trips and it kinda hurts me...though I can't go anyway but they didnt know that.

I went to the Aquarium today. No big deal...the kids had tons of fun and thats whats important. I don't really care if I didnt have as much fun as I thought I would have but i guess I have to spend as much time as I can with my lil bro before I go cause later he might just hate me with all the bad ideas my dad puts in his head about me. I'm not a bad sister...maybe I'm not the best daughter but i am a damn good sister.

Incomplete

Empty...thats how I feel. Aaron's Gone and what am I going to do? i can't really say that i will get over it cause well you never know with me, I guess nothing is really definite.

I change my mind a lot.I thought that i was never going to get over Esteban and though its kinda painful to say it...I am over him and I now realize that things between me and him wont happen. i was foolish to think so for almost a year. I know I will always LOVE Esteban with all my heart while time passes cause he was my first love...I will NEVER forget him and the beautiful memories he gave me.

These past few days Ive felt...nothing. Numb to all feelings possible. Why should i feel...I shouldnt, theres no need to when all I'll do is cry...or feel like shit.

I miss you!

Aaron,

you didnt call to say goodbye...youre an ass! so typical of you! But I guess when you called when i was fucked up...that was your goddbye...maybe I'm the ass...

New guy...well not that new

John,

You ass! hahahhaa youre so dumb!!!! Do you like me or do you not? I mean this past week youve told me that you only want a fuck buddy...and I told you that I just couldnt do that...Today you come to me with this bullshit about that youre pissed off about me going out with another guy.

make up your fuckin mind and then get back to me, ass!

More Confusion

John is mad because I'm talking to another guy...can you believe that shit? I mean he's the one that said that he wanted like a little fuck buddy, friendly friend, friend with benefits whatever! And I said I didnt want that...so yeah I thought that was the end of it. And when i told him that I was talking and seeing another guy he was pissed. So pissed he "hung up" on me! Bastard! he was like ansy and i was like whats wrong and he was like, "So are you talking, talking to this new guy?" and I was like, "well, yeah" hahahah. and then he was like, "Oh thats all I needed to know" and bam! he signed off. And I asked him today and he said that he was mad. And I know he was...hahahah I dont give a flip, but yeah actually i do. Damn it!!! he said that it wasnt fair...and i was like WTF? nah no tiene derecho de estar reclamando! i told him, "he actually calls and sees me, not IMs me" I think that got him even more mad cause he didnt reply and i just got the fuck offline. I want to be with John so bad, but he doesnt know what he wants and I'm not going to be waiting around for him to make up his mind and thats FINAL!

Confusing me

Ok this Post is about John. To my understanding things were dead and over with. And I wasnt even going to IM him anymore...seeing that that ass doesnt even remember my fuckin number hahaha. So he IMs me and
he's like "How was ur day homie?"
and i was like "WTF? youre a LOSER hahaha"
"why are you calling me a loser?"
"Cause I can!!!"
"you can call me anything you want baby"
"Screw you John!"
"lol what? You know how fast you could get laid by me if you wanted to?"
"I dont care, I dont need to get laid by you, and last thing I heard you needed some since you havent gotten laid in over two weeks, and from my understanding thats too long"
"yeah I kinda figured that, why you think im trying to get you to come over"
"Like I said screw you John"
"you suck"
"I suck cause I had a lack of judgement when it came to you"
"Nah dont judge me by what i sound like over the comp, you know me well enough to not even say that"
"Well thats all Ive been seeing for a while now"
An blah blah skip to the rest...
"Nahhh you lost interest in me ever since I left town for orientation"
"Why am I going to get interest when all you going to do is leave me and go to san anton"
"Alright...thats all you shoulda said"
"i have interest, alot actually...but I started thinking about it...and it was like damn, im not going to get hooked and BAM then you leave. you might not take it like its the truth, but whatever"

And then...i was I dunno I didnt know what to say so I closed up and said that i didnt need any more explanations and I didnt mean it in a bad way and he was like "I'm not explaining i'm telling you" and then i guess he got pissed and he got offline and then he got back online (he has road runner so he probably signed out of aim until I left)

I dont KNOW how to take it...should I be all like aww he really did like me...or ARRGGHHH!!! hes an ass hahaha.

Woke up Bleeding

I woke up nose bleeding this morning around 830. I wonder if that has something to do with Aaron. I mean it WASNT hot, it was kinda cold. I only nose bleed when its hot.

What if Aaron's aunt put some voodoo on me. She is a scary looking lady that practices magic. i dont know what kind of magic, but she does.

I let Aaron go, maybe its cause I expected him to call me to say goodbye. But he didnt. Now I feel cold here without him...and I cannot find the words to say i need him so.

I'm not crying I just feel numb. Nothing is on my mind. I feel naseous.

too drubk to type

Million $ Baby

After these past two weeks of being alone here and thinking so much. I've been thinking about life and the people that have been in and out of it. The girls in the old clique, the boys in the old clique, Aaron, Ana h, people that I was friends with in High school that obviously I'm NOT going to talk to anymore.

I was watching Million Dollar Baby…and I dunno it got me thinking. I shouldn't be mad at people cause life is short. Right? I don’t know its just been a LONG time already from when I was friends with my ex-clique. I haven't really talked to them at all in like two years…yeah hit two years last semester. I mean I still know why I got upset with them. Its funny how I knew that Amber getting pregnant was going to happen. I knew it, I don't know why but I did. I even told her to be careful…the last letter I sent her. I miss her, I miss all of them. I miss Nataly, I miss Marisol, I miss Jairo, I miss Melesio, I miss Raul. I miss them all so much. I don't know…people that TRULY know me should know that I LOVE babies. Maybe cause ever since, my baby scare, I wanted one. I was so disappointed but relieved at the same time. And now…I view the world in a very different way, about babies anyway. I want to be a part of their babies' lives. All three of them. I want to be there…I want to be there so bad, that its almost crazy. I sent a message tearfully of my dilemma to Vanessa…hopefully she fulfills my wish.

Aaron, I need to have contact with him. If he doesn’t call by Sunday I WILL call. I need to explain things to him. I need to have a heart to heart with him. If things end, the will end my way. Not some stupid immature way like screaming and cursing at each other like we always do. I will explain things peacefully, I will say my goodbyes crying probably. Most likely I presume. I miss him so much.

I'm so stupid I always fuck things up. If he leaves Houston, without having contact with me, I will feel guilty and angry at myself.

Youre leaving

Aaron,
Youre leaving me and Ive made a mess. Why dont you realize that i was fucked up that day and that i didnt mean what i said or whatever I implied and just call me cause I miss you and if I dont talk to you before you leave I will loose you forever. I'm moving and youre leaving and ARGGHHH!!! I just want you to call me back cause I dont have the "balls" to call you myself but when have I? even in these desperate times I still wont do it...

Dad's being an ass

So...yeah I asked my mom if my dad was going to go to San Antonio with me...you know to help me move into the dorm. And at first my mom gave me some bull shit answer talking about that by that time he will have a lot of work at his second job. Which was bull shit since I heard it. But I was like I guess. Then two days ago I was like, "I think he just doesnt want to go" and she was like, "he told me that he told you that he wouldn't drop you off at even a corner in that direction. If youre car fucked up, you would have to take the bus because you decided to leave Houston when you could have gone to U of H. She can drown in debt, but I'm NOT helping her with her college expenses" and you know...it shouldnt really hurt me cause, my dad has never really liked me. He has brought hell to me since I was little. Hit me for no fuckin reason, or for stupid reasons. Kicked me out the house, insulted me in so many different ways, given me awful looks, betrayed me, lied to me. blah the list goes on. But IT DOES hurt me. And I have no one to hear me out. he never told me that! maybe in his own little fantasy world he told did. I dont fuckin need him to take me to San Antonio I just thought he could actually be there for me, FOR ONCE! He cangive me parties and a car but shit, no fuckin love. Maybe one day he will see what a mess he has made.

Can't Sleep

i can't sleep...I have turned into an insomniac ever since me and Aaron broke up. I have become a mess...so many thoughts are going through my head that WONT let me rest.

I have put aside the fact that me and Esteban ended things a year ago and things will never go back to normal. It has been in the back of my mind all this time. But i refused to post anything because I thought that that was only going to worsen the fact that it did happen. i've been without him for a while now and it still hurts. maybe not as much as before but it does. I guess the whole Aaron thing has over clouded it. But its still there and theres no use in it ignoring it because it will claw at me...until I find somebody else to take the presidential suite in my heart.

I am debating within myself if I should call Aaron and apoligize...I know that thats what i should do, but then again i shouldnt. I now remember that that day he also said, "maybe when I'm a general and your a big top notch politician we will meet again" So I guess it was his way of saying goodbye right? i dont know...I'm so confused and I dont know what to do! I just want him to call me again...for his last goodbye.

Lots of thoughts

So I've been thinking that i'm a complete dumbass. I love Aaron, but i've been SO full of shit to admit it. Too much pride in me to admit it. Now he's leaving...and he's leaving me. I'm pissed at myself but I wont fix it cause i'm stubborn like that. Its for THE BEST I know it, but it hurts. I wish he would call again...

Me and John are slowly getting back at it...I should be happy right? I am content. I'm not complaining. He's a hard-working, hot 1/2 Salvadorian, 1/2 Rican guy that has realistic goals in front of himself...yeah...exactly what I wanted, right?

I had a dream with Amber, Marisol and Nataly. We were at BCW and it was exactly like BCW, but it was dark and it looked like if there was a club-party going on. They were all with their pregnant bellies, and I was pregnant too.We were sitting on the bar stools. Then Peter woke me up. I miss them...and I long to get to know their children and be in their lives...be aunt Cindy. I dunno. I just feel a LOT of guilt. It hurts me so much.

Army departure

Aaron....woke me up last night at 11 (I found the sleeping pills). He called me to tell me, "You're talking to a US soldier" ha... and then he said "I'm calling you to tell you that I'm leaving on the 19th" And he says it like nothing. Like if I'm not supposed to react to it. and I was like, "And what is this is supposed to do to me?" and he said, "I just wanted you to be proud of me" and I'm such a fuckin bitch...I didnt say anything. And I KNOW that that hurt him. I was half asleep and cranky. I was going in and out of sleep. and the conversation was 7 minutes, but it felt like one. I'm so stupid! He kept saying I just wanted you to be proud of me and I guess I got annoyed. I was hidding what I was really feeling. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me. And that everything was going to go back to normal and since he didnt give me that and he was going to let me go...I wanted to be the one that...hangs up first. I wanted to have that control. I know it sounds stupid, but our whole relationship doesnt make sense. SO I just said whatever, and hung up. I cried, but the drugs...they took over me and before I knew it I was asleep.

I hate July

I hate July...July is the month for big breakups.

July 3rd, 04 - Esteban
July 4th, 05 - Aaron
July 5th, 01 - JC

Its funny how they fall one after the other...and jokingly I said maybe the 4th will be filled also...thats all I need. and I laughed it off. I never really expected it to actually happen. I didnt really think...maybe I'm cursed.

Aaron's leaving me

Aaron,

Youre going to the army in like a week or two and youre leaving me behind...I feel so alone without you but i know this was the best decision. We are not...NOT meant to be together...we should just come to terms to it. i appreciated the gesture...Buying a house for the both of us in San Antonio...that would have been nice but I NEEDED to be a bitch with you so that we would seperate. I do...love you and I hate it. i hate it so much I try to deny it...I do deny it, but denying it doesnt take it out of my heart. i wish it would. i wouldnt be in such pain...I cover it up...I've never really been able to do that. I covered up the love I feel for you. I guess i got it from you. I havent cried or been upset enough to tear up. I am doing a good job you would probably be proud of me for being a success at covering up something that is really hard for me to do. you know that i am a VERY sensitive person. Just my sleeping patterns have been weird...My mom thinks I'm over dosing in sleeping pills and shes right...lol she took away the bottle. I wanted to SLEEP!!! i didnt want to feel like shit...I wanted to forget it all. I dont think that was so bad...now I just lie lifeless on my bed looking at the wall or the ceiling without a blink...

I just never realized...that you meant THIS much to me.

John Quit Confusing me

John is such an ARGGHHH!!! I was already...settling to the point that I was like well...he's not interested in me. And then he's like "I am interested in you, I always have" and I'm like thats BULL...and then he was like why arent you talking, mag! and i'm like...WTF? Mag? whats that? and he laughs and doesnt know what to say. And he's like I'm really sleepy...and then I'm like Mag? as in Maggie? and he's like no Magit as in bugs. and I'm like magits are born from filth. and hes like exactly...you. and i was a little ticked off and I kinda wanted to get offline. So I said...I'll talk to you later. And he was like why? where are you going? and I was like nowhere. and he was like whats wrong? and i was like nothing...maybe I just take some things too seriously. and then he was like Did I say something wrong? DUUHHHH!!! and I was like Magit and he was like I'm sorry I didnt mean to offend you.
So I decided to be the bigger woman (not man) and be like alright fine...and left it alone. I'm still angry...then small talk followed and he was like I gotta go sweetie...why does he call me sweetie? I dont get it. he says he likes me but shows so much opposing it. It really pisses me off...that instead of actually calling me he IMs me. Not even a god damn text for crying out loud...and I'm...I'M WRONG FOR SAYING HE'S NOT INTERESTED! bunch of bull shit....BULL SHIT I tell you!

I guess I just want Aarons security back... I want to cry...if Aaron doesnt call me before he leaves...I will be crying for a looooooonnnnnggg time

Trying to get Attention

So I wrote to John...hoping there was still something there...

I wrote: You forgot about me? i knew it...hahaha Its ok Its all good

Then he wrote back: lol, You distract me to much with your good conversations, lol...Talk to you tonight!

Ok...I mean...Gawd! lol He probably says shit like that to make me feel better about no longer being interested in me. *sigh* I miss him being interested in me.

Not her little Girl anymore

I think my mom wants to stand by what she says...I'm a bad devil child and I dont deserve her attention. But last night well this morning I suppose, in her nightly check ups she came in my room thinking I was asleep, she was watching me. I was like huh? I guess I scared her cause she came really close to my bed...I guess to pull my blanket down to cover my legs. And i was like what?! My head hurts! I can't sleep you took the sleeping pills away! Leave me alone. She left in a flash. After that...I felt bad. Maybe i should have just played "sleep" *Tear*

Whenever i mention that I'm leaving she cringes...She thinks that our relationship will NEVER get better. I guess I'm just a teenager and I'm not supposed to get along with her yet. I havent really grown up and I'm probably not going to yet.

My cabeza!

My head hurts...and I'm dizzy...like if i were drugged up hahahah. little light headed-ness hahaha. Whoa! I better go to my cama...wait! I'm already there! hahaha My parents are constantly bitching at me! they are NOT giving me space and I threw a tantrum and now nobody is even looking at me. Thats fine...I never really expected much love from them. SOmetimes people think that material love is all the love. And maybe they will never understand me and i dont expect them to. Good thing that they dont really know me, like Aaron knows me...

Aaron...ha! I guess he's gone for good...I'm so scared for him when he actually leaves for the army...maybe now I will actually have to pray. I dont really contact the big boss upstairs anymore...no use. Its not like if I ask for all the riches in the world. Just happiness. and I guess thats really hard for him to give me. or maybe its that he doesnt want togive me that at all. And maybe I dont deserve it, but whateva! I'm already screwed as it is...maybe not as screwed as most but yeah I am.

Sleeping till theres no tomorrow

I've slept so much these past couple of days...I guess I'm feeling down and I dont want to be up at all. Its not like suicidal shit cause hell no...I wanna be alive lol. But yeah Oscar...he's playing games with me and I dont appreciate it. He just pisses me off so much. I have enough to worry about than for him to start crap.

So...I've stopped answering Aaron's phone calls so he's stopped calling. Well he didnt call yesterday so I suppose he's stopped calling. I dunno...i should be angry because of everything, but i'm not. I just hope he doesnt come looking for me...

Yesterday was supposed to be his Army physical...he fucked up his ankle...hopefully he does well. Knowing him he probably played it off and "took the pain like a man"

Melesio

I was confusing night and day...I woke up at 10 am, 1 pm, 5 pm and finally my mom comes into my room at 640 screaming who knows what. She had the right to scream at me...

But she woke me up from this dream. I was dreaming with Melesio. Why was I dreaming with Melesio? shit I dont know.

So I was with a bunch of people that I supposedly knew but I dont remember their faces. then i see melesio but he doesnt say hi to me so he passes by again and I'm like hey! I want to talk to you and hes really cold and says for what? and I said Just to catch up. And then he's like ok and we're walking together. He's wearing a teal sage shirt and black slacks all dressed up looking nice. He's going back and forth and I'm following him everywhere. i asked him if he was involved with somebody and he was like no but I'm talking to this girl in Marketing and blah blah I dont remember but it sounded really fancy and rich lol. And I was like oh...then we walk over to this desk of this teacher and theres a lot of people waiting for their grades
I was staring out the window into space and it seems as if I'm looking at this girl but its weird lol and then she busts out saying "Nobody says no to Jessica" and runs off I'm like Hell nah what floor was that I'm going to kick her ass!
and he gets an A from the teacher but I'm feeling really bad cause I didnt get an A and it seems like if its a school for advanced learning composed of seniors from all over the city. Then I follow him into an arcade hes walking like he's limping but he had been walking like that the whole time. And he's like "Remember when we were playing around a long time ago and I messed up my leg?" and I was like yeah so he said, "It stayed that way" thats when my mom woke me up.

This was just all too weird to me.

I GET EASILY DOWN

So I was talking with somebody right now...I was not fine but i was just like whatever you know? I wasnt really thinking about anything or anybody...
Now Aaron is in my mind...we had an argument...not a fight...and I was really feeling bad. He showed me how bad of a gf I had been and made me think that he's not the only one fucking up. And yeah i knew it, but i didnt really pay attention to it. Why should i? Hummm i sound so selfish.


i feel sad now...lonely. the fact that John doesnt want me...hes lost interest in me. Makes me feel low.

John Are you gone? 6/29

So as quickly as John came into my life he's leaving and I'm stuck with Aaron still…he called today like at 2 and well…I guess argh! What I said was SO right. I only get with him when I'm alone…So I guess we're back together…

John…he wasn’t online this morning/last night whatever…and I was like huh? WHYYYY??? Man I miss him like crazy but then again I don’t. Maybe its cause I'm having fun here in San Antonio. I don’t want to leave…ahhh!!! I really…REALLY don’t feel like going to orientation. I'm going to be all alone. I don't like that. Ehhh I'll live and probably piss off a lot of people hahaha…cause well that’s what I always do when I first meet people. Them stupid blondes don't know whats coming to them.

I want to hear John's voice…I want him to call. I dunno…uhhh I'm still confused I guess. I need to hear it from him…as to whats really going on. I want him to tell me whats up…

John's hottness is NOT ordinary cute…humm he told me…I would hump you any day…so stop talking mess about not being pretty. Yeah with a couple of shots I'll would too hahaha. I'm so mean with myself. I just don’t see me as being the "it" girl. Not when it comes down to him. I mean I could definitely see him with a girl like…like…uhhh… Carla from Reagan. Not me…the…you know. I don’t like to say it out loud though it is the truth. I'm not in denial...

I'm confused 6/28

I like John…so much but he doesn’t seem like he wants a relationship…or that he doesn’t like me enough. WHOA How could I had fallen for him so quickly. I didn’t even know what hit me. Maybe its because I like him so…so much. We have so many things in common its…its unbelievable. And maybe…noo! No! I'm like getting way too deep way too fast. I'm not even into guys with a body like his…whats wrong with me? I go for the average joe not…hottie-model-could-be John. I don’t like dating guys like John…makes me feel insecure. And maybe that’s why I was so insecure with Aaron…c'mon Aaron the ex-boxer. But I'm done with Aaron, for good for good. Though it seems like I always grow weak around him. Its probably because every time he comes back to me I'm either alone or with a guy that I'm just talking to to pass the time.

I just don’t understand the big desire to be…with John. When I damn well know that that’s just retarded on my part…I can't. He so… and I'm so…so…not! I'm so…scared cause I know that John will probably not pay attention to me any longer. Heh doesn’t that feel like shit. I'm just too into him and maybe I need to spend time away from him. Though he's been doing a good job of not calling me these past few days. I'm just stupid…

On another note…I contacted this girl Evelyn…we went to Burbank together. She was awesome, but a little weird you know? SO I didn’t really talk to her…I guess I thought that I was in another classification…I was dumb like that. And maybe because of my stupid ways I missed out on getting to know a lot of people. Anyway…she said that we should go bike ridding and I'm like that’s awesome we should so do that. Its funner to work out with somebody else I guess. So I'm really looking forward to that.

Going back to what I was talking about...I'm so confused by him. He says one thing, but I dunno does another? Shit…I just don’t like to read into people…though everybody has to read into me. HA! I want him…I want to be with him. But I dunno…I doubt that it will happen. I haven't talked to him on the phone since Friday night/Saturday morning…it feels like a lifetime ago.

Or maybe its that I want John so bad cause he's the only one that’s shown interest in me lately…

JR…a friend that likes me, but I don't like even though he's such a nice guy and he cares. I guess its cause I don’t want to be with a guy that has been laid off for…a long time

Andrew…only calls cuando le da la gana…So it’s like I'm starting over with him every time. And he's a drop out that smokes weed. I DON’T mind that he's a drop out but he has no ambitions, no dreams, no plans, no goals. He just…iust what I want.

Oscar…is obviously in love with me…I sense it…like he likes me SO much but he's fighting to not admit it or to not show it. If not he wouldn’t have been hurt when I told him that I was over him. He had his chance…a whole fuckin year and he didn’t take advantage.

Aaron…he hates me and I can see it from a mile away. He says he loves me, but I never (well not never but rarely) see his so-called love. I would actually love him back if he did love me like he says he does, but he chooses not to show me. He ends up pushing me away every time. That’s why I didn’t want to marry him before he left to Iraq. Now, I'm glad he's leaving so that finally I can live in peace.

I should stop talking about john but I can't. Its like lately he's been on my mind all the time and its driving me crazy! And not in a good way. I just get so nervous…and I've never felt that way. I want him to pay attention to me. Damn how desperate do I sound…eww…Cindy…get a grip on reality and snap out of it.

But if he doesn’t pay attention to me…I guess I'll just feel bad and not…do anything about it. I'm not the stalker or crazy (like that) type. If he doesn’t want me…all I can do is move on. I won't and will NEVER beg a man to be with me. Only if I know exactly how he feels for me. Right now I'm just confused. Maybe cause…before on Saturday I knew…I knew how he felt, but now I don’t. I'm just confused but I'm too scared to ask him whats up.

Since I'm in San Antonio right now (I made it here in 1 hr 1/2 hahah I'm good huh?) and my computer WONT connect to the stupid wireless internet I got online with my AOL messenger on my phone. Of course I was getting online cause of him. He's the only one on AIM…heh I had to download it to talk to him lol. And I was talkin to him and he was like hey hottie and I was like huh? Lol I was confused I didn’t think he was talking to me. But then after like a few minutes he was like I'll brb it was 20 minutes later and he still wasn’t back…of course I was upset…he knows that I'm only online on AIM cause of him. I felt stupid…waiting patiently…so I guess I got pissed and I was like…guess youre busy, later. I expected him to call me or txt me like that the last time, but nope. I guess he might not care anymore, but then again I am a DRAMA QUEEN, and I think into things too much. Every move a guy makes…I just have to analyze it and try to figure it out like if it actually means something…I guess I over-stress myself. Whoa this is a long blog...

Orientation

I just got back from UTSA orientation. I had fun overall but man those seminars were boring I kept nodding off. Lol it was horrible. I met a couple of cool people. Alecia and Andrea. Theyre bad ass. Andrea is from houston, she's fun to be around.

So I'm taking Anthropology, Freshman English, Texas politics and US History civil war-present. I'm scurred. lol i was going to take a music class but there was only one left and I didnt want to do the one that was left. So humm selection for the people that go to orientation last will suck. The selestion now wasnt that great so...damn. I have to take a Math Placement test. ehhh hopefully I will get to take the course that is nessesary. Algebra with Calculus for Business.

So I got back with Aaron...ha what a big surprise. We have a bet going on...he cant show his "angry" emotions these three weeks, if he does i will change my cell number hahaha. So people I guess that sometime this next month i will be changing my numero. hahah

John failed to call me ANY day...I was totally PISSED off and i bet that thats going to continue so...no more John. or John at a distance anyway. i will only hurt myself if I keep on thinking that we're actually going to be together or anything close to it. i dont know why but he keeps on calling me sweetie and hot stuff and blah blah blah and he didnt do it before...weird huh? He just really confuses me and i'm aggravated by it.