Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Blue Green
I want to make a video explaining life...lol how my life is great, but on the other hand it sucks.
I started school and I am actually attending. GASP!
I have a job that pays me more than my last one.
I can actually pay bills on time and have money to spend.
I've gotten back on track and have lost 4 lb in 4 days :D
I haven't gone to sleep. the past 3 days. IDK what keeps me going.
I hate school. For once I would like a challenge.
I haven't spoken to him in 23 days.
I was really tempted to not show up to school on Thursday. My second class was cancelled and since I hadn't gone to sleep I figured I would just pretend to go to class, but go back to slee as soon as my mother left. She didn't leave early like she was supposed to - So I just got ready and went to class. I actually enjoyed my first class. After that one I wanted to eat my lunch because I was starving but I brought no fork. An older man sat in front of me and he irked me. He smoked...and I thought it was REALLY rude. I walked to the Main building and went up to the library. I printed out all the slides that I needed for my first class, and the case file for my cancelled class. I headed over to my math class and realized that yes, that hoe is pointless. I made an A in an upper division math course. The room is full of losers and dumbasses. The math is 8th grade level at best. I grow ever so bored. The only thing interesting in the class is listening to this obnoxiously loud gay diva handicapped dude while he makes phone calls right before class about the stupidest things, and how he broke up with people and his binge drinking. Oh and Prof DeKorvin is French so it sounds interesting.
I went on an interview today...kinda sorta knowing that I was going to get the job. I did get the job and I am excited and scared all in the same. I really dont want to dissapoint anyone. These kids are different from other kids. The things they will learn are important simple life skills that they have to work 100 times harder than a regular kid. If he or she doesn't learn these skills - it will be on me. I'm kind of upset that I am getting paid 10...last summer she said she would pay me 12. All in all I dont care anymore really. If I would obsess I would be very selfish and idk...I am a selfish person and very materialistic, but idk. I'm just glad that I will be able to pay my own bills on time and not wait around to take my parents' money.
I got back on my diet Tuesday. I've lost 4lb already and I am proud of myself. This diet is simple. I need to stay on track, and not try to come off of it with temptations and such. Well, I already failed a little. On Tuesday, I was so ready to go to bed when Vanessa called me crying. We ended up having Margaritas and fried stuff. I would have lost 5? that would have been awesome.
Its been 23 days since i have spoken to him and I am going strong. I was watching 500 days of summer...lol No labels. Not having a label always sucks...for people like me. Sure, a label will NOT guarantee anything but its safer, right? I don't think I want to talk to him, but I am so weak that I would probably do it if the opportunity came about. i feel dissapointed like, "Oh wow, we could have been something great, but you had to go and mess it up for me"
Maybe I concentrated too much on the good parts that I didn't really concentrate on the bad. He always called me late at night...wtf was he doing before. When he called we would talk about nothing for about 15 min. He knew more about me than I knew about him. He stopped being sweet. He wasn't too sweet to begin with.
I really need to work on myself to attract a better pool of dudes.
I started school and I am actually attending. GASP!
I have a job that pays me more than my last one.
I can actually pay bills on time and have money to spend.
I've gotten back on track and have lost 4 lb in 4 days :D
I haven't gone to sleep. the past 3 days. IDK what keeps me going.
I hate school. For once I would like a challenge.
I haven't spoken to him in 23 days.
I was really tempted to not show up to school on Thursday. My second class was cancelled and since I hadn't gone to sleep I figured I would just pretend to go to class, but go back to slee as soon as my mother left. She didn't leave early like she was supposed to - So I just got ready and went to class. I actually enjoyed my first class. After that one I wanted to eat my lunch because I was starving but I brought no fork. An older man sat in front of me and he irked me. He smoked...and I thought it was REALLY rude. I walked to the Main building and went up to the library. I printed out all the slides that I needed for my first class, and the case file for my cancelled class. I headed over to my math class and realized that yes, that hoe is pointless. I made an A in an upper division math course. The room is full of losers and dumbasses. The math is 8th grade level at best. I grow ever so bored. The only thing interesting in the class is listening to this obnoxiously loud gay diva handicapped dude while he makes phone calls right before class about the stupidest things, and how he broke up with people and his binge drinking. Oh and Prof DeKorvin is French so it sounds interesting.
I went on an interview today...kinda sorta knowing that I was going to get the job. I did get the job and I am excited and scared all in the same. I really dont want to dissapoint anyone. These kids are different from other kids. The things they will learn are important simple life skills that they have to work 100 times harder than a regular kid. If he or she doesn't learn these skills - it will be on me. I'm kind of upset that I am getting paid 10...last summer she said she would pay me 12. All in all I dont care anymore really. If I would obsess I would be very selfish and idk...I am a selfish person and very materialistic, but idk. I'm just glad that I will be able to pay my own bills on time and not wait around to take my parents' money.
I got back on my diet Tuesday. I've lost 4lb already and I am proud of myself. This diet is simple. I need to stay on track, and not try to come off of it with temptations and such. Well, I already failed a little. On Tuesday, I was so ready to go to bed when Vanessa called me crying. We ended up having Margaritas and fried stuff. I would have lost 5? that would have been awesome.
Its been 23 days since i have spoken to him and I am going strong. I was watching 500 days of summer...lol No labels. Not having a label always sucks...for people like me. Sure, a label will NOT guarantee anything but its safer, right? I don't think I want to talk to him, but I am so weak that I would probably do it if the opportunity came about. i feel dissapointed like, "Oh wow, we could have been something great, but you had to go and mess it up for me"
Maybe I concentrated too much on the good parts that I didn't really concentrate on the bad. He always called me late at night...wtf was he doing before. When he called we would talk about nothing for about 15 min. He knew more about me than I knew about him. He stopped being sweet. He wasn't too sweet to begin with.
I really need to work on myself to attract a better pool of dudes.
Friday, January 8, 2010
As big as a house
I finally put my shoes and clothes in the closet. I have my huge xray up. My xbox, tv, and ps2 are set up. The bathroom closet is organized with all of my things. I feel accomplished in some sense, but in another I feel like a complete failure.
I have no intention in talking to Matthew again. Not because of NYE, but idk. I feel like I need more confidence in myself to go forward with a relationship. I still need to work on myself before I can move forward with other ventures. I might speak to him later, but as of now, I want nothing to do with anyone. I guess I feel the same exact way I felt last year around this time - A horrible feeling of disgust. Weird weird feeling.
I have a couple of goals for this year...I dont want to call them resolutions - those are never really achieved lol.
1. Tackle the weight : I was looking at some pictures that were taken within the past month of me, and well I am as big as a house. I cannot look like this ANY longer. For some reason when I look in the mirror I do not see what other people see. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see ok, but when I see the pictures I am like WHOOOAAA nooooo!!! and more so - gross.
2. Elude sexy...err just decent? : I may be as big as a house, but that doesn't mean that I have to look like a run down house lol. I want to be trendier and cuter and accessorize blah blah
3. Fresh face : I have had problems with acne since I hit puberty. Its something that I have just not escaped. It went away with Doxicycline, but I couldn't take that forever. These Mario Badescu OTC products are the only ones that have actually worked...but I have to use them DAILY - its a pain in the ass to rub 5 million products on your face twice a day.
4. Graduate : I really need to get my ass out of school. I feel worthless as super senior going on super-duper. I am a real loser at this point.
Those are all the ones I could think of. Well the major important ones anyway. I am not even excited about my birthday. In fact, I haven't planned anything AT ALL. I feel really emo, and it doesn't even much feel like my birthday. I feel very - not important.
I signed on to Myspace after like...a week or so, and I was just tra la la la la...I clicked on my favorites where Juan's profile was listed on, and poof. it wasn't there. I hadn't gone to his profile since he didnt message me back. i guess I can't cyber stalk him anymore :/
I bought a huge nail polish rack at my local nail supply store, but I haven't put it on the wall yet. It made me super excited lol. probably the only time I have been excited this whole year...fml.
I have no intention in talking to Matthew again. Not because of NYE, but idk. I feel like I need more confidence in myself to go forward with a relationship. I still need to work on myself before I can move forward with other ventures. I might speak to him later, but as of now, I want nothing to do with anyone. I guess I feel the same exact way I felt last year around this time - A horrible feeling of disgust. Weird weird feeling.
I have a couple of goals for this year...I dont want to call them resolutions - those are never really achieved lol.
1. Tackle the weight : I was looking at some pictures that were taken within the past month of me, and well I am as big as a house. I cannot look like this ANY longer. For some reason when I look in the mirror I do not see what other people see. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see ok, but when I see the pictures I am like WHOOOAAA nooooo!!! and more so - gross.
2. Elude sexy...err just decent? : I may be as big as a house, but that doesn't mean that I have to look like a run down house lol. I want to be trendier and cuter and accessorize blah blah
3. Fresh face : I have had problems with acne since I hit puberty. Its something that I have just not escaped. It went away with Doxicycline, but I couldn't take that forever. These Mario Badescu OTC products are the only ones that have actually worked...but I have to use them DAILY - its a pain in the ass to rub 5 million products on your face twice a day.
4. Graduate : I really need to get my ass out of school. I feel worthless as super senior going on super-duper. I am a real loser at this point.
Those are all the ones I could think of. Well the major important ones anyway. I am not even excited about my birthday. In fact, I haven't planned anything AT ALL. I feel really emo, and it doesn't even much feel like my birthday. I feel very - not important.
I signed on to Myspace after like...a week or so, and I was just tra la la la la...I clicked on my favorites where Juan's profile was listed on, and poof. it wasn't there. I hadn't gone to his profile since he didnt message me back. i guess I can't cyber stalk him anymore :/
I bought a huge nail polish rack at my local nail supply store, but I haven't put it on the wall yet. It made me super excited lol. probably the only time I have been excited this whole year...fml.
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