Yes, I love him

Sometimes i think that I like to procrastinate just cause. I'm really tired...I want to go to sleep...and say fuck you final! lol but no, I cant. I need to pass, but I have made no attempt to REALLY study. I need an A on this final to get a B in the class...blah! I hate this MFing class and the stupid final should have been earlier so I could just get the fuck outta here already! I need to pick up some coffee before I leave cause I'm going to be so sleepy by 11. I think I should stop by my grandma's first, since I heard she wasn't able to walk earlier this week. That worries me...I mean, shes a healthy woman, but she's getting close to 60. She better make it to see me and Aaron's kids. She will, she will.

I was thinking a LOT about Aaron. I know that I want to be with him...I love him, but I don't want to leave my family. I dont want to stop going to school. I want to get married...that would be so great. I want to have a family, but thats a problem. First, i won't be able to finish school, or if I do, i would have to go back home. Then, Aaron will be in Germany and he wont be able to see our kid grow up or help me in those long nights. At this point, i know that i can't be without Aaron. Its like we've been together for this whole time and we've been too strong for too long, and we CAN'T be without eachother.

This has been my longest relationship 1 year and 3 months...wow. I'm surprised. It feels way longer. I mean of course it isnt like a 5 year relationship or whatever, but i know that I LOVE him. I LOVE HIM TOO MUCH! I can't let a whole ocean to be between us! I dont know what I'm going to do. I have to talk to him about it.

Last Day

Last nightwas the last night that we were going to be here for the semester. We were all like...aww we're going to miss being here and the outings to Antro and other random clubs. The independence that we have here is priceless. But all things have to come to an end at some point right? Well we'll be back here next semester. 4 weeks and 5 days away. We exchanged gifts and I made dinner! YAY! lol it came out good I promise! We were stuffed...then we had cookies and hot chocolate...mmm... yummy! I should be studying right now cause I have a final in like 6hours, but dammit! I dont wanna study!

Aaron called earlier like at 1130 and he sounded all sad...He was telling me how his brigade is going to Germany in August and staying there for about 2 years. He was like, "I dont mind going to Germany. They told me it was going to be nice there, but I'm going to be so far from you." Then he was like, "I just wanted to call you cause I wanted to tell you I loved you and shit. (how romantic hahaha) I'll talk to you tomorrow" I was going to cry a little...I got a little teary, but nothing came out. Good thing...

He called later and said, "I was just calling to tell you that I'm going to call you later. Ok babe? Cause I dont want you to fall asleep" HA! its 350 and he still hasnt called...ehhh whatever. he'll call tomorrow I'm sure.

Then I told my friend Andrew about it and he got all pissed off. I was like WTF? I've been thinking that he liked me, but damn. He has a gf, and that would be weird. Though, I do look way better than his gf, but they live together. And he was like he's just going to up and leave again.

I cant resist

Aaron I. called this morning at around 5. He's in Washington already...long away from me. I thought he was in DC...i could have probably seen him for new years if he was in DC since I'm going up to Virginia. But he called me from a 703 area code which is DC/Virginia. I recognize it cause its where my fam is at. I can't be mad at him...i guess love works that way. I love him...I always have, I always will.

He wants me to ditch the trip to Virginia and go up to washington instead. I cant possibly do that. He's just trying to make up for the mess we made while he was on leave. He said that he was trying to make me jealous cause I was being a bitch...which was true I was being a bitch. And well he succeeded at making me jealous! he said that there was no girl. And that he didnt call again cause he said I was being a bitch and mean...which was true. lol I was...

So then I told him how he fucked up my plan...he didnt know anything about it. So I guess I was in the wrong there. he was like, "You had my number. Why didnt you call? It would have been an honor...blah" So then he started crying...I felt bad. i didnt cry with him...why should I? I cried enough. So yeah...he says I'm still his girlfriend...

I was out with my mom and my aunt today...we ate at Jim's...ewww. But anyway, I was telling mom how Aaron had called and he was like wow! lol And then my aunt was like ohhh thats the guy you were going to marry??? And I'm like...what? I didnt tell you about this. Grandma did...blah why did she tell her? She's like the biggest gossip of the family.

Crushed/Crush

The time I was talking about the last entry...oh what a dissapointment. Aaron left without saying goodbye to me. So...as of last Sunday, we're not together anymore. I'm so hurt...I'm not STUPID! Does he think that I've never had friends that were in the military...Even if they werein the military they would find time to talk to me, me of all people you know? I'm not even much family. So I'm not taking that, I'm-not-able-to-talk-to-you bullshit. If he were already in Iraq it would be a different story but the fucker is up north...i forgot where lol.

=========

I have a crush on somebody...lol weirdest thing ever. His name...lol same one. Younger though...he knows some guy I used to have class with, which i used to have a crush on too lol. Weirdest thing ever. He wants to come to UTSA...that would be awesome! But he doesnt know I like him...he flirts a lot but i doubt it would go any further. He's too cute for me.