And I thought I had it bad

Our 4th roommate has been like...missing for about 4 months. Shani and I were like...maybe she's like lying in a ditch somewhere. I was like, "Txt her to see where she at?" and she did. The 4th wrote a series of 3 messages

1. The new-old bf broke up with her in december (she was totally in love with him...and it was a lil weird)

2. She broke a bone...leg? idremember

3. She lost her phone and hadn't replaced it in a month.

Obviously she didn't register for classes again, and she's not living-living here but she has to pay rent. gayness!


I was supposed to go to Houston this weekend because my grandma's knee surgery was supposed to be today. However, her surgery got rescheduled for next week, which sucks for all. I have upcoming tests...eek! and I think I have two that following week. I mean I have to show my face, Mehh...I'm not good with words but being there should be enough. Now, my other grandma. She recently suffered a stroke, I think. She's in El Salvador at the moment...so I'm not really sure. My aunt Marina went over, and tried to be of some help. I think she just got taken advantage of. My dad got in a fight with my grandpa...and I think that with their age they're just getting senile. I know that most of my cousins have "much" love for them because some were raised by them, but i don't share the same love. Maybe its because Abuelita Sara has always been mean to me. Mentioning that I don't look like their side of the family when I clearly do, more than my lil' bro anyway. And saying that I'm a bad grandchild because I don't praise her like the rest of my cousins or don't speak to her...whatever. The last time she was here she was always busy with other people. Ugh...I do feel bad for her, and I wish she would have gotten sent over here to better care for her.

These past two weeks, I've been like high. hahaha. Not literally high - on drugs, whatever, but feeling really good. I feel amazing. I feel wow! lol. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I've eliminated the drama from my life. Its given me the opportunity to be me. I don't worry about anything or anybody but ME! I'm on the top of my list. ANNNDDDD because of the awesome DT-trio :) Late nights will never be the same.

Stupid bareminerals keeps on breaking me out! BUT!!! In a week I'll be out and that hoe of a product will be out of my vida! So, MAC Mineralized skin finish it will be! I'm a dumbass for still using the BM...meh...I can deal. My next MAC stop will be Tuesday!!! The Hello Kitty Unveiling!!! Ahhh!!!! So excited! I think my whole paycheck will go to MAC. hahaha.

I had a really crappy day at work today. I swear I was about to bust a vein. The kids have been driving me insane the past two days. What are they feeding the children at school!!?!?!? Today, I just gave up. I let them run wild. hahaha. fuck it. I wish I could put my two weeks in. Sadly, no, I need dinero.

Last Rant :

Shani saw somebody a couple of days ago. It was lame and gay...extreme form of faggetry. I am SO glad that i wasn't with her because I mean, we go almost everywhere together. I'm over it...I've been over it in so many ways already. haha. To be honest, I RARELY think about him. I don't wonder what he's doing, or who he's with, or if he's even alive lol. I can say that I DO think about him...when thinking of the Matrix...what an asshole to not return my things, huh? Ugh, when she told me that she had seen "Stephen" at walmart (through text). My first thought was like what...that dude from work is skipping out to make more WM hours? what a jerk! lol So I asked her which one? we know so many. lol.

She let me know who it was...I brushed it off like nothing. Laughed out loud a little. ugh, but I found myself dreaming with him...lol reminded me of my favorite song at the moment, "See you in my nightmares" lol that now that I think of it...totally describes it hahaha. Total Nightmare, and I'm not even much playing. It was even gay-er because I knew that I was nightmare-ing so I woke myself up, but then I continued to have this stupid nightmare...when I went back to sleep. booo!!! I've just pretended that he was dead, or didn't exist, or lived on the other side of the world...that I did forget he existed hahaha. I convinced myself that it was true. hahaha. ok. lol wait...he doesn't. hahaha idk...I'm a little bit too hyper right now. I don't hate him...its whatever, but I see that its best if he doesn't exist - doesn't exist for me anyway.

I hate people

I woke up super early today...10 am. haha. I was set that this was going to be a day where I took care of shit. I took a shower, did my makeup and went out the door. My first stop was the front office. They had a package for me. i was excited because I thought it was one of the 4 packages set to arrive...one of these days.
A. My Accounting book
B. My Eco book
C. The two 88 palletes from Coastal Scents
D. The pigment samples
Bleh...it was NONE! It was a book that was returned to me. It angered me...and I stormed out...sort of not really. I had taken my wallet into the apartment main clubhouse because they usually ID. Well this time they didn't. I drove to the post office to drop off the packages yet again. Mind you, the post office is 5 minutes away. When I got there, I was searching around for my wallet. No luck. I started freaking out. I called the office and they said they had it. I was like whoa...how great. Well, when I retrieved it, 200 + bucks were no longer there (I had returned the ACC and ECO books the day before). My heart sank. I don't make enough money to be ok with losing 250 bucks. I was really upset...I even started crying. Because I don't like to rely on my parents for my extra expenses. They pay for my rent, and food...which is more than expected. 200 + was for the OTHER two books that I needed. It was also my birthday money. I mean...like what the hell. I couldn't use it for stuff that I wanted and I couldn't even use it for stupid books either because its GONE!

I was really angry...I had already lost my G1...and to drop my wallet was just too much. Its just like dissapointing. I was dissapointed in myself for being careless, and I was dissapointed in people all together. I was really happy that I had started off the year with MONEY. lol. Ever since I went to Vegas last March, I've been constantly broke. I did pay off two of my credit cards and that was amazingly awesome. On the other hand, I have like 3 others that aren't even half-way paid off. Now, the rest of my bday money will go to the dumb Marketing book-150! I hate when profs change the edition like every semester. why? Its really unfair.

Moving on...

I finally saw a doctor on Monday. I walked into this place which was huge. It was like a practice for like 10 doctors...that did the same thing. OMG there were soooo many old people. I am SURE that I was the youngest patient there. I'm serious...like canes, and walkers galore! I was expecting my doctor to be a short gray-white haired man with a thick mustache. lol. IDK. The nurse Liza (she was super cool) called me over and she took my weight...ugh, my blood pressure which was normal (say what?!) and my pulse. She led me to the room to wait for the doc, and on the way there I made eye contact with this gorgeous dude. OMG. lol. He was a sweet piece of eye candy. I mean I hadn't been so attracted to anybody THAT severely in ages. He was tall and had the broad shoulders and this amazing smile. I wanted him to take me!

haha. Turned out that he was my doctor, Dr. Serna. Fresh outta med school...fellowship whatever its technically called. wowza! He spoke to me about like what I was experiencing, and he was like I'm pretty sure its this...blah. Which was bad, but in comparison to the REST of the liver diseases I got off easy. He told me to sit on the examining bed thingie. "Breathe in, breathe out" haha Then...he told me to lay down. He was going to examine my stomach...I was fine because he was doing it over my clothes...AHHH but then he pulled up my shirt! Ahh! At least give me a warning. My mom said that I totally turned red haha. I was so embarrased. He had such warm soft hands...nice. lol He sent me off to get like soooo many blood tubes out of my arm...meh, I'm getting used to it already. i should go donate plasma now. So, I have to go get an ultrasound of my belly...today at 1130 am. eeek. and I get to see him again on the 2nd. IDK...like I feel really weird seeing that I am like such a loser around dudes I find attractive.

On another note, Shani, Amanda and I have started our own diet tribe haha. We have been working out everyday for the past couple of days...pushing Amanda to her limits (haha not really). After, I'm like too wired to go to sleep. I've been sleeping like 4 hour mornings, and I feel like shit until we go workout. I find myself dozing off in classes. Its fun though! It really does help to go with other people.

Oh em gee! My accounting professor is like bipolar. lol. He's a smart guy, and he goes extremely quick. Sammy and I have trouble keeping up ahaha. It was just too funny. Usually people have like the tendency to start packing up like 2 minutes or so before class ends. Once people did that today he was like, "WE ARE NOT DONE! i don't like this. If you don't want to be here then just leave. Don't disrupt me before its 945" Everybody in the class just froze, and there was a moment of silence. lol. He then just signed off of the computer and was like, "WE'RE DONE!" and preceded to storm out of the room. It was so funny. I mean we were being disrespectful to an extent, but he usually talks about stupid stuff..."Close your books and put away your notes and lets think. Be in the accounting midset. What floor are we on? let it be fresh" lol.

Break outs

My doctor's appointment...finally, is in like 3 hours...yeah. I'm still awake. Though, I ONLY slept like 5 hours last night. Its a big deal because I love to sleep lol. I got up to watch the marathon of Flapjack on Cartoon Network. That show cracks me up. I love it. I struggled to get up...I was in the dark (my curtains are black). My eyes were like glued shut...well not really it just burned when I opened them. I laid around until like 3 pm.

I started looking up MAC pigments...and then compiled a list...compared prices of over like 80 different ones. That took me like 2 hours to do...still watching Flapjack. hahaha. Theres this one site that sells 20 pigment samples for 50 bucks. Its a good deal...because some pigments are discontinued so...theyre like up to 8 bucks for 1/4 teaspoon.

So, at first I thought I was crazy. I ALWAYS seem to break out when I use BareMinerals for more than a week. When I stop using it, the bumps go away. A couple of other people have told me that the same thing has happened to them...Ugh, I really like bare minerals. I've only tried liquid foundation when I was like 14-15. I didn't really match it to my face, and I just didn't know how to apply it. That whole thing made me shy away from it. idk...maybe I'll give it another go. Or I'll try another mineral-type foundation.

I cleaned like no other today. After Flapjack I started on my cleaning & Laundry spree. It was well needed. I think I needed to do like...5 loads of laundry. There are still some going right now! I can see my floor. haha. I moved books and binders from my bookcase to underneath my bed to make room for this semester's. I have to prepare myself for this semester. I never keep a planner handy, and the planner never alerts me...lol when something is coming up. I'm inputing all my shit to my google calendar so that it can sync with my G1. There! Problem solved. Its so cool...like if I put something in my calendar on my phone you can see it online and vice versa. I'm telling y'all. Google is going to take over our lives.

Back to the guy-friend situation...Ugh. I don't want to. I don't wanna move forward. The flirting has been fine up to now, but it has to STOP. haha. I'm sending out vibes that i probably shouldn't be sending out. I mean, yeah, I do enjoy it. I'm not trying to say that I don't. Though I AM saying that I refuse to sacrifice another friendship. I refuse to get involved with anybody else. I don't even remember what was going on...but he asked me to do something with him (no not sex lol) and I felt weird...like...when Steven first told me that he liked me...bleh. It was was a weird feeling. What he was asking from me would really like make me cross that line from friend to more-than-friend. I felt slightly uncomfortable...same Steven feeling haha.

I let him know that doing that would be weird. He then said, "Not really we know eachother very well. We've known eachother for 2 years"...and then the conversation rolled onto what "it" was. I didn't even know what to say...I was stumped. I ended up saying, "not yet" hahaha. I don't even know what that means...I don't know how I feel or if I should feel anything at all. Apparently he understood. haha. The flirting continued...so, I don't know what he gathered from that.

I can't wait 'till Tuesday. Obama! Obama! :)

I'm an ADDICT!

I am addicted to MAC Cosmetics...why oh why did I have to like something that wasn't affordable for my poor college student self? I spent like 140 today...thats major...seeing that I won't even buy a shirt more than 15 bucks sometimes. I'm so excited that I RSVP'd to the Hello Kitty Collection unveiling. AHHH! I want it to be Feb already! I bought the 217 brush, and OHHHH EMMMM GEEE I love that brush! Its soooo worth the money. I also stopped by Sephora to buy the Make Up Forever Camouflage Cream Palette No. 3. Amazing concealer...but it started to crease a little under my eyes. I want to try the MAC Studio Finish Concealer...later.

I went to Target to go buy my thank you letters for the bday money. I never show how grateful I am with my face...lol and I DON'T wanna seem ungrateful seeing that I TOTALLY needed that money for books and MAC haha. I wrote them all out, writing something unique and special in each one. Then, dropped them off at the post office along with a book I sold on eBay. It makes me angry that my books...a total of FOUR cost 500 bucks...two were 150 each. Thats sad. My Marketing professor said that the old edition of the book was obsolete...which is gay.

I watched a video on YouTube on how to cut your own bangs...and I did it. I must say that it came out pretty well. I mean I haven't cut my hair since July. Ugh, but since my hair grows so slow that you can barely tell.

On Friday, Shani and I met up with Allyson and Ana R. near Canyon Lake. Fun times. We spent like 80% of our time talking about people from High School and how better off we are. lol. I guess we were just trying to make ourselves feel better for graduating in '10 instead of '09. We FINALLY met Ana's bf. She's been with him for like 2 years and we hadn't met him! But...I have to say he made a good first impression.

So, I'm going back to the Jon topic...for right now the flirting is fun. Flirting is supposed to be fun right? To be honest, I really don't want it to go past that. 2009 should be described as the song "Alone Again, Naturally" haha maybe not...I watched a Time Life infomercial. Idk I just like the song's beat. I haven't listened to the lyrics. I'm just avoiding it at ALL costs. Relationships are too much trouble...so time consuming...so relationship-y. hahaha. I would say, "I'm so carefree right now, its not even much funny." but it IS funny. I love it. I would describe it as EUPHORIC. Besides, I'm not in the mood to fuck up another friendship over that. Next dude, in Summer of 2010 after graduation...I won't let him become my friend...cause that just sucks.

Moving on...BABIES! Its like baby season in my family. I'm just glad nobody's child was born on my birthday. i don't want another quote in quote "birthday buddy, " EVER! I should be the only person I know that was born on January 10th. My aunt Mari gave birth to her third "baron" haha. She named him Sebastian Andres. He was born on the 11th. Then our extremely close family friend...that consider g-mas as her mom, Elida gave birth to her son on the 12th. She named him Roberto. I didn't get to see him. I was already in San Antonio. Friday...my cousin's baby was born. That just came out of left field. He kept that a secret for soooo long. I mean, I would have never known that he was having a kid until I sorta kinda translated the French blog he posted this week. I'm loosing my french skills noooo! hahaha. He named his little girl Alma Alyssandra I think...mehh...idk. I'm just like...as long as I'm not having a child right now, Its all gravy.

Side note : The new Fall Out Boy video is fucking gay x 2 million.
On the other hand, the Beyonce video is mesmorizing...spell check anyone? lol I hate the song but the video like puts me in a trance. hahah.

Eureka!

Haha so this past weekend was my birthday! Double Deuce, it was. We went down to 6th st. in ATX and got super trashed! We set out to drink 11+ shooters plus drinks. 11 because we were celebrating Amanda and I's 22. It was super fun! But I had wished that other people would have been able to join me...

A couple of days before, my twin, Vanessa made dinner for me. It was soooo sweet of her :) Thats why she's my twin and I love her!!! It was delish! Aww...I miss her already...she always knows what I'm thinking.

This week was my first week of class. It was sort of a YAY moment and a not-so yay. First non-yay reason was that all my birthday money went to books. Ugh...I wanted to buy some more pourers, or some more bottles, or MAC makeup, or cooking/baking supplies...whatever. Nope, books. Second non-yay is that two of my classes seem really hard...I'm scared! Third non-yay is that I managed to get kicked out of the college of business and I missed it by .08...WTF? UGHHHH I hate my management prof what a whore. I SOOO could have gotten an A. I have a class with Sammy which is cool and then I have another class with Lydia...so I don't feel all retarded non knowing anybody.

Work...is same ole' same ole'. Very much under-appreciated...and very bored. Today, my director came to our site saying, "You're so popular, people have been requesting you...blah blah" and then I responded, "Yeah, Kim wants me to go to her site." Then she goes, "Ohhh no no no. That's not going to happen. You're much too valuable." HA! Last year, she said I was shitty. Now, she's claiming I'm too valuable...boo! My favorite main boss got laid off...I'm so sad...well not that sad, but sad enough. Like why couldn't they let go of a certain someone else...ugh. The kids missed me...I was pleased. lol. One of my girls ran to me to hug me and she smashed her face on my liver area...ohhh sweet baby jesus that hurt. lol.

I can't sleep on that side...which sucks...I haven't been like...majorly been looking for a doctor here in town. Maybe I don't wanna know whats wrong with me. Maybe...the thought of not drinking alcohol annoys me. Meh...idk. The thought of something horrible happening to me is just not gonna work out for me right now.

Just last week I came to a REFRESHING realization. I don't even remember what day it was. I just came to a sudden thought. It was THERE plain as day, and it felt GOOD. I mean there are no words to describe how relieved I felt, how much emotional baggage had been left behind, just like that! At the beginning of last week, I had gotten really upset about something...like I had mentioned in the previous blog. Disgust, anger, a whole flood of ugly emotions filled me. I thank those emotions haha...I don't really care anymore. I am so nonchalant...like la di fucking da. It feels good to not care. These past two months, I felt a void. No, not a significant other void, but definitely a best friend void. It was odd. I had never experienced that, ever. As things started unfolding for me, I eventually lost interest in that cause that I felt so strongly about. I could only hold out for so long. What was weird though...was that it wasn't like an escalating loss of interest...it was sudden. Like a bolt of lightning...pas!

I'm back to the cold hearted Cindy, and I like it! Took a year, but I'm there again.
and no, I'm not saying that I won't feel anything for anybody...Things just aren't really going to affect me, not going to faze me, if you will.

Cause the fun things always happen to me

Last night, I went over to Vanessa's house and hung out with her, Candice and Alyssa. That little beauty in the picture. We watched this special on comedy central...I think the guy was called Jo Koy? lol he was freaking funny...THING THING!! hahaha Then he was followed by a white guy who was very random and not very funny. It was hard for any of us to catch up. Different kind of humor I guess. I got informed that Candice is preggo! Babies are always cool.

It was like 1130. So, we dropped off Candice. On the way back to Vanessa's house, we talked - Vanessa and I, about my situation with a certain person. I was really fired up in the morning, and she was the first one I spoke to about it. She said to me, "You know, you can look at it in two ways. One is that he's an asshole who just wanted one thing. On the other hand, he's just too hurt by what you did that he's just not over it." I was like, "Yeah, you can say that"

"But...but! Ever since this morning, I've been leaning more towards the first theory. I never thought about it because you said that y'all had such a strong bond."

"Exactly! I didn't even cross my mind to think that way. It was ingrained in my head that he was this one person because he's always just been one type of person with me, never the asshole. He was always there for me. We even exchanged 'I love you's. He was my best friend, my birthday buddy."

Meh...we continued the conversation, exchanged more ideas. By the end of that conversation, I was more disgusted with him...that I could have ever possibly imagined. That's probably for the best. 80% of the love...that honest love has left me. I've never told a friend that I loved him or her...unless drunk. I've def haven't said it on a daily basis or even talked about...compared it to other things (i.e. I love you more than I love Bill Clinton). So, that was a big deal to me.

The sweet memories are fading so fast. I can breathe easy. I hate to say it...but feelings of resentment and revulsion towards him are flooding me over and under. Its sad that I thought the friendship meant A LOT, and in the end...it was all bull shit.

Moving on...

I had gotten some bloodwork done like in November. The results came in - elevated white blood count, and elevated liver enzymes. In the paperwork she mailed, the liver enzymes were called ASPT or something like that...I lost the paper. Well I didn't think to look up what they meant until like a couple of days before my follow-up. I got scareeeddd when I found out the causes. lol. So, I went back to the doc and she sat me down, and said, "I'm going to talk to you about two things. The first thing is that your blood count is high in all levels, but looking at your past history, your red blood cell count had been elevated before. That's not whats bothering me. The white blood count is high which means that your body is trying to fight off something. That something - I dont know. It could have been a cold." "No, I wasnt sick. I havent been sick all season" She then continued on, "Or it could have been an error, who knows? We will have to retest you. Now, the next thing has really concerned me. Your liver enzymes are more than twice than of a healthy liver. Certain drug use might cause it, or Hepititis. Have you traveled outside of the country in the past year? Have you been sharing needles with anyone? Have you been with anybody with it?" All of my answers to that were NO.

So, she asked me if I had a problem taking another blood test, and of course that was a NO...take all the blood you want, if it means that nothing's seriously wrong with me! Shit...she sure did take a lot, and my arm hurt for like two weeks. lol. Today is Monday...or was Monday and its 7 am...tuesday. Blah point is my doctor called me on Monday. She told me that the verdict was still the same. Now I have to visit a gastroenterologist. Ugh...I have to wait until Thursday to see him. I am going insane because I dont know whats going on!

Now that I know where the liver is , I'm like...yeah, I always get weird sharp pains on my right side...and recently that side has looked like...swollen or bloated in comparison to the other side of my stomach. I thought that I had pains because I had eaten something bad...or something. I really paid no mind it. I mean I wasnt bed-ridden or whatever...ugh.

Trapped within 4 walls

I woke up pretty late today...exactly why I am up at nearly 6 am. Meh...I woke up at 12 pm. Jon texted me...and of course he was out golfing. He said something weird...and I've been thinking about it all day. lol like trying to decipher some kind of biblical language. hahaha. Maybe I am just reading too much into it...but he did not say that he was kidding. whatever.

I walked out of my room, and my bro rushed over...to let me know that some of dad's friends were coming over. He then says, "I'm just letting you know so that you wont be in your underwear or something" and I was like, "Cause...I usually prance around in my underwear, and I am NOT wearing shorts right now..." He was running all throughout the house "cleaning." lol My dad probably yelled at him to get him to do it. I was like whatever, I'll just stay in my room. Well...bad IDEA! They were here from 1 to nearly 7 pm. I swear I nearly pissed my pants.

It was Alex, my dad's best friend, and his dad and somebody else with a really ANNOYING voice. I already knew that that dude Alex was loaded, but apparently so is his father in El Salvador. Blah...I think my dad was pissed that I stayed in my room all day cause he gave me a slight stank eye. I wasn't going to "tend" to these dudes just cause they're "important." The kitchen wasn't even clean. All my liquor was in the car...so all he had was that Jimador bottle...half empty. (I really don't understand the sudden obsession with this 'Jimador')

My mom arrived from school and she had told us the day before that we were going to visit my "boyfriend" hahaha. I can't believe the bf part stuck ever since Thanksgiving...I mean everybody knows he's not my bf. lol. its funny. Anyway, my "boyfriend" is a specific barista at Starbucks named Cesar who ALWAYS remembers me...when I've only graced his presence like 4 times in a span of 6 months. He always seems so happy to see me...he could brighten any girl's day, and he's such a cutie too haha.

Anyway, so, my bro and I drove to S'bucks in my dad's truck. I was actually looking forward to seeing him haha, but when I arrived at the speaker thingie, a chic answered. damn! I was a little sad. I started ordering...and she informed me that there were no cream based fraps. Double damn! Then I said, "For real...are you serious?!?" and I heard his deep ass voice. yay! I just ordered whatever to get to the window. lol. He kept on peaking over at me...which made him take like twice as long to make the fraps. Then he inched his way to the drive thru register...lol it was so cute...cause he was being so obvious. I was talking with my bro and I could see him through my peripheral. He slowly backed away from the register backwards...and I finally turned to look at him. He flashed me that smile of his and he gave me the funniest wave ever. My brother was like, "Your boyyyyyfriend is excited to see you" I elbowed him...lol I was scared that he would hear him...

I quickly regretted the Java Chip purchase...but we were already home. Vanessa txted me and she tried to convince me to like...take the S'bucks guy thing further...lol. I can't! I'm not forward like that. I mean we talk for like 10 minutes through the drive thru with like 6 cars behind me, but thats just friendly talk...not anything else. Besides, I don't know much about him...and beginning something with a week left here seems pointless. Ahhh! He's so cool though. Meh...a guy like him prob has a gf anyway. A crush can fade away.

Later I got bored and tried http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42brYe2bu3M lol but...mine looks too harsh. my eye hurts...so I will try again later.

Flo Rida - In The Ayer