The Exciting Part, and the Not so exciting

Starting off right???

I have started the first day off right. I noticed that the most used pink lipstick is my MAC Angel, naturally. That color is beautiful, and everyone should own such a nice color. I mean even that fabulous slut Kim Kardashian loves it. ALSO, I had this sample of Stila One Step Makeup, and its FABBBB. Its in the color DARK - which is a a shade too dark for me, but it'll do for just a test run. It feels really good on my skin. It blends like a dream. Its about medium buildable coverage, but maybe it has that coverage cause its darker than my actual skin tone. The price is 44.00 and Dropping 44 big ones is a BIG deal.



I'm obsessed with the Illamasqua blushes that I bought off of two blog sales. They are UHHH-MAIZZ-ING! I bought the Wonder Woman MAC blushes around the same time, and to be honest I haven't worn them. I just took 'em out of the box, and depotted one to put my MSF in it lol. Its a pretty compact! What can I say?!?

I'm trying to see how the eff I should style these damn bangs but I think I am failing hahaha. And on a disgusting note my scalp has been extremely dry. I feel like AHHH!

Eyes:
MUFE Aqua Cream #1 as a base in the outer corner
Urban Decay Naked Palette :)

• Lid : Toasted
• Crease : Naked
• Outer V : Dark Horse
• Highlight : Virgin

MAC Feline eyeliner

Face
Stila One Step Foundation
Benefit Gilded pencil as a highlight
Illamasqua Thrust Blush
Benefit Hoola Bronzer

Lips:
MAC Angel Lipstick

Makeup Resolutions for 2011

I know its about to be March, but I need to put some goals down via typing in cyberspace. I want to tackle makeup this year because I spend excessive amounts of money on it. I tend to repurchase the same thing in different packaging, or things that are VERY similar to each other.

Ok so here it goes

1. No More Pink lipstick. I have ENOUGH! Whenever me and Luisa go to MAC she says, "OF COURSE you bought that one...its PINK" Its true, same shit different name.
2. No more pink blush, I have 7 different ones, and I have fallen in love with my Illamasqua ones. That's all I need thats pink.
3. I have to finish 2 lipglosses within the year. B2M the rest.
4. Stop buying lipgloss, no matter how pretty it looks!
5. No more mascara until I'm done with all my stash. I have about 5 still in packaging.
6. Finish/Hit pan on at least 6 more things this year (not including the 2 lipglosses. In the year I have already hit pan and/or finished 4 things, I had hit pan once and finished a MSF previously...but that took FOREVER. Saying that, Its taken me 3 years to finish 6 things out of the insane amount I already have.
• Things on this list are : a pink or nude lipstick, Bare Minerals foundation should be done by summer, NARS sheer matte should be done in a month, Smashbox HD concealer should be finished in the month or less as well, any mascara, & Urban Decay eyeliner in zero

I don't

I hate when I have inner dialogue about make believe conversations that will never happen. As if I were a masochist reopening wounds that need not be reopened.

If I die tomorrow, he will never know how much I loved him, and if he knew, would he even care? I bet he would think I am a psycho with no sense.

I feel like I'm abnormal. I long for a normal life with normal things, normal people, and normal feelings. I am behind on life. I haven't graduated. I don't have a significant other. I don't have a significant other and a child. I don't even think I will get married. I don't think I will even have a child.

its hard not being able to speak to anybody honestly about the way I feel. I've worked extremely hard to keep a hard outer shell. I don't know, maybe I don't want anybody to think that I am weak and frail.

Blog sale :)

I'm up at 620 am because I just got finished setting up a cosmetics blog sale on my other blog CinderSnap :)

blogging later? maybe?

Last Night

Last night I had a great time with my friend Maggie. I texted her in the morning while I was at a workshop at UH and she suggested that we hang out. Well, since I've been a social hermit, I had to take the offer. lol She took me around bars in Montrose, and she knows SOOOO many people its crazy! We had looong conversations about what is currently happening, and how everything is so fucked up.

She told me about changes in her life, and how everything is ten times better. She also told me crazy stories about each and every person she introduced me to. It was weird. I guess since she's older than me she's lived more lol.

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Now, Its Valentines day. I have to keep getting reminded because I forget. I guess this day would be more of a big deal if A - I had a BF B - I would be upset that I didn't have a BF or C - if I worked for a company that specialized in holidays. Like yesterday I walked into a bar, and there was pink red and white balloons everywhere. I was like what's going on? It took me a good 10 minutes, and after reading a promo card that I realized that they were celebrating V-day. idk...I've been so busy with School this week, and this whole year has been pretty out of whack for me since I went to India.

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This whole day I've wanted to make out with somebody. Not like...making out to lead into sex, but just make out, maybe feel somebody close to me. Its a weird feeling. I dont particularly like it since I have no one to make out with lmao.

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I was speaking to Esteban Friday night, and I HATE when we talk about "us." Its awkward, and sometimes uncomfortable. It just comes up at times, and its not like I'm gonna ignore it. the US conversations is the whole reason why I kind of just avoid him at all costs. He says, "Things would be so different if we would have ended up together" and its completely true. Maybe we would have worked out and I wouldn't have met Juan because I wouldn't have dated that idiot Aaron. (its funny how ONE choice would have changed the WHOOOLLE chain of events) Not meeting Juan would either be a good thing or a bad thing. I could have been better off. However, I could have never experienced a relationship quite like that...or who fuckin knows. Maybe the relationship with Esteban would have been that way. We get along perfectly, and he never fails to entertain me. BUTTTT as I have already experienced - A great friendship does NOT equal a great relationship (i.e. Steven)

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and lastly...I looked up Eminem after the grammys and is label had signed this guy...
I watched the vid and I was like...uhh no I can't take this guy seriously, but if I dont see him...I kinda dig it. The song's been in my head!!

Changes

I always thought that I was open for changes in my life, or in anything in general, but like most people, I find changes to be both aggravating and scary.

Was that a long run-on? probably.

I always thought that I had a close knit of friends, and now all I have is a loose scatter of acquaintances. My best friends have turned to people I see on occasion. I was thinking about sushi this whole week. I REALLY wanted some.

Then I started wondering..."who should I invite with me?"
Shani? No...she will probably give me - I'm on a diet. I don't have gas. I don't have money.
Mayra? No...she always falls through with her plans, and seems to be more snobby than ever.
Mario? No...I haven't seen him since last year in November
Vanessa? Uh...thats just complicated, and she has two jobs, and a bf
Joseph? No...
Gaby? nope too broke
Iveth? Nah...probably spending her last days with her bf until his month tour

actually Joseph is the closest thing to a best friend that I've had recently. He was the only one interested in my India trip, and also lent me his train case because I didn't have the darker range of foundations. Oh and also Luisa because we're basically on the same boat. Returning to Houston hasn't actually been too kind. We had this like 2 hour conversation over how people have changed since high school, and everybody does their own thing now.


Maybe I'm not friendly enough. Maybe I'm not approachable. Maybe I just dont let much of my personality out among strangers. Maybe I just like sulking in my own misery to make shit happen.

Either way I am still alone, and it sucks. I want to have a awesome time in my 20s and it doesnt seem like I am.

Both sides suck

the audio is all weird...as if I were LOUD

Yellow Fields

This travel blog photo's source is TravelPod page: Move along folks, nothing here to see.

While traveling from Jaipur to New Delhi via bus, I saw these fields. I think theyre like oil fields or something. This isnt my own photo, but it is from this area. I probably saw this exact spot along the way. Then this started playing on my ipod.



and it evoked such emotion...I seriously wanted to cry. I imagined running through this field in a black dress with Juan in this button down shirt that he had...that he looked so hot in. And laying there having a picnic as the sun was going down. It kept replaying over and over, bot of us smiling and laughing and kissing and holding hands, and ugh.

Even in India, I couldn't escape him, and it SUCKED.

It made me wish that it was true...it made me wish I had started vlogging in 2007. I would have so many more memories than what I have of him. Then I wouldnt have forgotten how his voice of his laugh sounded like.