What the french?

I was talking to Juan this weekend. He's leaving in May after his sister's wedding. Blahh...I'm really upset...I'm just really sad.

I thought about it a lot before I fell asleep...which led to the dream that I had...well I guess the series of dreams. The first one was with him. It was an amazing dream...I was so happy with him. I felt myself waking up. and in my head I was like, "NO NO NO NO DONT WAKE UP!" but I woke up. I wanted to cry. I decided that maybe if I fell back asleep really quick I would get back in that dream...NOPE

The next dream - I was driving to pick up Steven because he was drunk. He kept on talking to me, but i wasn't paying attention. I was just driving. I was annoyed...kinda like, "he's drunk again!" I guess we had gotten to our place and I tried to balance him going up the stairs. The place looked small...like a studio apartment. everything there was like a beige muted color that I would have NEVER picked. It was plain, and I dont like plain. Unless it was all like inspired by Declaration of Independence.

haha ok enough of that. He layed down on the bed, and he fell asleep. I sat there on the bed feeling extremely shitty. "Why is he always getting drunk?" My emotions seemed exacerbated. I had this look of failure mixed in with pain in my face. It was awful to see, even if it was only a dream. I turned to him and looked at him with so much love...I started to caress his face. He woke up and stood up. He told me, "You are not my first lover" wtf? lol wtf was dream steven talking about? and I asked. Then he said, "She deserves me more than you do" My eyes grew watery and I told him to get the fuck out of the apartment. I didnt wait to see if he had left. I went to the bathroom...ran a bath...and saw sxephil lol from YouTube in the water...wtf? lol like effin Zordon...hahaha

Idk...I woke up. Again, I wanted to cry. I felt so bad about myself. I felt responsible...for everything that went bad. the thought, "YOU JUST WEREN'T GOOD ENOUGH!" Circled my thoughts over and over.

I didn't really understand why this kept on effin haunting me. Or maybe I had come to this conclusion before but since I hadn't had this stupid dream in a while...I forgot. haha anyway, i was speaking to my friend Garrett, and mindlessly I said, "idk. I'm scared that I will make somebody else feel the same way...and I guess thats why I havent really taken anybody seriously after that."

Whoa! DING DING DING! Any guy that has tried...I have moved away from without even noticing it. I can't believe I NEVER noticed. Cesar, Jim, Jonathan...and even Juan to an extent. (whats up with all the Js?) I don't want to kill somebody's passion, and get hurt in the process. I'm terrified. Garrett then gave me an explanation...which I will prob blog about later; I dont feel like going into details now. It made sense...but I will never know if its true. or maybe it didnt make sense and it was too far fetched...i dont fucking know.

All I want is to forget it...and I will forget it because I always tuck it back into the back of my mind where useless information/memories should be stored, in the locked files of my mind's basement.

break point

And the craptacular state continues. Whenever I had trouble sleeping, it would be because I was upset over something or someone. Nah, not this time. I feel so tired...my body feels like shit. I'm actually crying in discomfort. I haven't even had the chance to feel sad about the Juan situation because THIS has taken over. I can't sleep...I close my eyes count some effin sheep and nothing. I CAN'T SLEEP! I CAN'T SLEEP! I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP! Its driving me insane. I sleep a little and its just REM I dream...wake up dream again. My sleep is crap. I don't really rest.

I wish I could talk to someone about it...nope, no one is there. Not anyone I can have a serious conversation with.

Someone help...

Ocean behind my eyes

I haven't blogged in a week. Ever since I've gotten back from Houston, I've been sooooo blah, tired. Tired like NOOOOOO other. I've felt like so much crap physically...ugh. My head's been hurting constantly. I've lost sleep also. Idk what's been going on with me this week, but gosh, its awful.

A few weeks ago, my skin started to look really bumpy. So not cute. I started using these lush products, and my shiny-ness has really gone down. My skin feels so soft. I think I have to go back for the herbalism cleanser though to use at night. Angels on bare skin is too mild.

On the other hand, my nails look kick ass.

I got a D on my accounting test. I swear that was the hardest test I've ever taken in my life. I was expecting a 30, but the D was good. The test had 40 questions. I swear I wasn't halfway through when there was 15 minutes left. I didn't feel as dumb because half the class was right there with me. Thats what I get for not studying though.

I have another test Thursday which means that tomorrow will be dedicated to that, and that alone. I will sleep in! yes! I'm broke! I have nowhere to go.

Thursday Mari, her kids and Mayra came to San Antonio. We spent a lot of time holding the baby, feeding him, passing him around, rocking him...haha it was fun. I've never really felt much for babies but for him...idk its different. We went to see "I love you, Man." I had pretty low expectatios but actually it was hillarious. I liked it a lot. Shani said it described Collin very well, and that just brought about a huge conversation.

We later went to ihop. Mayra spoke about her new relationship...sorta, Guy-that-she's-talking-to. We left ihop at 2 am and went to see the Twilight movie that we had just waited in line for. Meh...after reading the books, the movie seemed blah. Twilight was the boring-est book out of the rest though.

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I think about Juan daily. Here and there. Nothing too substantial or substantial of anyone. I did have a flash of the first time I had sex with one of my exes though, and I was overwhelmed with awkwardness lol. I briefly spoke to him last Sunday, and I told myself I was gonna get back to him, but I didn't.

Time is just passing and passing, and I'm still feeling this way - wanting to be in his arms without being able to. I'm trying to find some kind of exit to not feel this way anymore. I didn't cry about it this week. Ugh, these past two days though, the tears were just building inside of me, burning me. I couldn't tell you how many times my eyes were watery. I refused to let a tear drop. noopee. no! it wasn't going to happen.

What I hate the most is that this WHOLE thing is making me feel lonely. EWWW! Cindy Saint Mary doesn't feel lonely, thats a gross emotion that I will try to evade. Its bullshit. I like my new found independence. ARRGGHHH!!! The whole Juan situation is making me go back to the person I was, the person that made me feel bad about myself.

Nothing is going to happen between Juan and I. I don't know it, but a pessimistic person like me...always thinks the worst! haha...POINT IS that the only way I can be happy with this is if it moves forward (he's the only person I would give up my independence for) or I fucking stick to my independence and move the fuck on.

Feelings...suck sometimes.

She's a Nice Girl, they say

I slept about an hour last night, or maybe I thought I had fallen asleep? I woke up staring at the pillow, like if my head had been hovering over it the whole time. Creepy. My mom was moving pots and pans around...the kitchen is right next to my room. I took a shower, did her make up and tried to go back to sleep.

I had no luck...I texted Esteban and he called me back. We talked about how weird it was that we had some degrees of separation in another direction. I felt kinda bad that I had spoken to the bff about him and his stuff...meh. Not THAT bad lol. I mean the bff has to know right?!? The whole, "I wish I would have paid attention to you instead" thing...Eeek. I think he was scared that whats her face was going to be upset. I mean yeah, thats a horrible thing to hear. "Oh when I said I love you to you, I actually wanted to be with somebody else" BUURRNNN!

I gave up on going to sleep. I had to take Jaime to the lasik surgery, but as I was half way ready, my gma called me and told me that I didn't have to anymore. I decided to go to the museum instead. We saw the rest of the exhibit that we did not get to see Sunday, and we saw this thing at the planetarium. I fell asleep. lol NO LIE! I fell asleep.

It was 330 and I had time to kill before I needed to meet up with the girls for starbucks. So, off the gma's house I went. I nearly fell asleep on the couch. My gpa went to the china...lol I like it when he goes. Then my uncle calls me and tells me he ordered pizza. He sounded so happy that he had gotten lasik haha. Shani came over and we ate.

After that we headed over to Sbux. Vanessa got there after us and brought her cousin with her (another one). The cousin is really cool...I really got along with her. Then Vanessa says, "You know! My mom wants you and my brother to get together."
"Uh...no"
"I know. That's what I told her, but she was like 'I like her and she's such a nice girl. She's in school and your brother is in school. Imagine how much money they would have together.' I told her that it wasn't about the money, but she still insisted that she liked you"
"You know exactly where my heart is"
"Yeah exactly"
haha I've never even spoken to her brother...ever! And I've known her for how long? lol. Besides, I really don't think we have much in common...and I hate shy guys. Well, not HATE per say but I don't think I want to date one. idk...I've really liked my independence. At this time, just one person would make me NOT be single...haha.

We picked up Mario after that and headed back to my gmas house...where we played games. lol Sober fun...haha. I think its funny.

Merary invited me to her wedding. Supposedly she's going to have an open bar. how exciting!!! Fuck yeah, I'm totally there. Besides, I have like 5 dresses that I have NOT worn.

delusional Cindy

Yup, that's exactly what I am. I am making up juan feelings in my head...reading too much into his actions in relation to me. I need to STOP!!!! Its not healthy. I cannot keep talking about it and later crying about it. I'm not going to tell him how I feel...ever. I'm too much of a chicken. I'm dead scared of juan rejecting me...I would die no joke. I've been lucky enough that he still speaks to me, I shouldn't push my luck.

I wish I did have the courage to say something. I wish I was strong enough to survive HIS rejection. I'm not. The rejection would definitely put me in a place worse than last yr. Hahaha then, I'll be involved in another empty lifeless relationship. That would be selfish of me...no one can make me as happy...and if I'm not that kind of happy, it wouldn't be fair.

I've spent my last hour crying. The 25 most played on my ipod are all Juan tracks. Music that I listened to when we broke up. I hadn't noticed until now that I played the playlist on its own. Gosh...I don't want it to happen again.

I say NO TO ZOMBIE CINDY!!!

Fighting Sleep

This is why I have always had some weird ass sleeping patterns...Sometimes I am like sleepy as can be, but I fight my drowsiness till the end...till it wins...usually hours since when the battle began.

Esteban called me today and all I could talk about was Juan...I think he was a bit upset about it. I can't lie and say that I don't still have feelings for Juan cause I do...idk the exact words he said but it was like...if you have these strong feelings for Juan, you can't have feelings for me. I didn't respond. What could I say? They were true. I told him myself...like a couple of minutes before, "It seems like after Juan...I can't commit myself COMPLETLY to somebody else. I don't think I can give that same amount of love to another. He still has it" then he was like, "Yeah, the whole thing was intense"

Then I asked him, "If you could go back in time would you change anything?" I was clearly asking because I wanted to say that I wouldn't have fucked up with Juan...lol but he goes, "Yeah, I would change some things. I would have paid attention to you instead of those girls" Whoaaa! lol Somehow I felt guilty...I mean before Juan he was the guy of my dreams. The sweet, good looking, sensitive, nice, giving, goal-oriented, double-majored, level headed, patient, manly, spanish speaker, etc. That's still Esteban, plus more. Juan...isn't really the guy that I had made up in my mind that was "Mr. Perfect" He's actually nowhere near close (ok he does carry most, but not all). Juan's just the guy that made me think differently about what Mr. Perfect was supposed to be for ME.

Ahhh! I almost forgot...so yes I did get back to Juan...my hour of Juan was great, ugh too bad he had to go to school. He's working at Lexus now. Ouu la la! I totally imagined him all greasy and sexy...lol like the sex scene in F&F in the garage. He's graduating in 3 weeks. I'm soooooo proud of him. I can't even begin to describe how proud I am. I don't think I've ever been proud of anybody's achievements before.

Ugh...I thought about our conversation and about him, and about us - what we used to be, throughout the day and the next day. I can always think that he still cares about me, but I don't know that for sure. I am hurting myself for coming up with these stupid ideas in my head. I didn't ask if he had a new gf, or whatever. For all I know, he probably has one. One that is 10 times more good looking than I could ever be...I wish I had Edward's super vampire power to read thoughts...this sucks

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I got a new haircut...I don't know if I'm completly sold on it. I haven't styled it in the two days I've had it. The lady that was cutting my hair was probably the only hispanic hairstylist there was. She had a slight accent that I picked up, and she seemed very cold towards me. I then told her that if she wanted to she could speak in Spanish haha. I should have told her that from the start cause then she IMMEDIATLY warmed up to me, "Your parents taught you how to speak Spanish!?!" I don't know what that amazed her, but then again the area we live in is very White...

I have yet to see my cousin's daughter. It makes me kinda mad...lol I mean not like GRRRR but ughhh but not. hahaha. I wanna see her already!!!

I want to blog some more...but I don't...I'm starting to get that I-feel-like-crap-cause-of-the-reality-of-Juan-and-I feeling again. I'm sad. dammit. I'll just try to sleep, instead.

Stupid app

I woke up sick yesterday. No surprise there. I always seem to get sick at my parent's house. I woke up pretty late...I had totally forgotten about daylight savings. Thr headache that I had was unbearable...I felt extremely tired; my whole body ached. I tried to go back to sleep but my dad was mowing the lawn.

I stared at my phone for about 30 minutes...trying to decide if I should call Juan or not. I txted vanessa...I was nervous. I clicked on his name from my contact list...waited for 10 more minutes then finally pressed call. It rang about 5 times...the vmail came on...I blanked out when it was time to leave him my message. I tripped over my words. I pressed the end button and texted vanessa. My hands were shaking, my heart was beating 100 miles a minute...

I uninstalled this stupid app that has made me miss calls and texts...but for some reason my phone did not receive ANY calls or texts. Lol I thought I was being unpopular...

Mom got there and we headed off to the museum...my favorite place. We bought our membership, and went into the permanent exhibit hall. I've been there so many times but it never ceases to entertain me. We were in there for an hour and only saw the first floor. At 5 we saw this 3-d movie about the sea at the imax. It kinda made my eyes hurt. Entertaining none the less.

After that we went for dinner and visited gma again. By that time I felt like complete crap. I was so tired. My head was throabing. I had a pain running from my back down to my thighs. My nose was runny and I kept on sneezing. I was sleepy...it was ugly. I felt so awful. We returned home early because of it. Once I got home, I fell right to sleep. I woke up and got a major pain in my leg...I literally yelled in agony.

I woke up around one...no calls,no texts, nothing! I was like wtf? Juan didn't call me back or even text me? My heart sank. I felt pretty goddamn shitty. But then again I thought it was weird that NOBODY had. And grandma said she was trying to call me too. I restarted my phone, and sure enough I had a flood of texts come in, including several from Juan throughout the day. Bleh. I felt sad to have missed him...I couldn't get back to him at 130 am...on a sunday. Later today I guess.

I want to go back to sleep But I can't grrr.

Don't Act Like You Didn't Cause You Did!

I lost my tempter at work. I seriously did. I went off on a kid and nearly made him cry. I don't care...I let him slide with so may things in the past. He deserved it. I wrote him up. After that, he was very well behaved. I just hate how it had to come down to that for him to be well behaved.

Driving home was lame...like always. I hate staring at pavement for 3 hours. I nearly ran out of gas when I was a tad past Katy. I only had like 5-8 more miles before I reached the beltway...grr. My light turned on. I got off of the freeway, and I couldnt find ONE measley gas station, not one! I drove like down three more exits until I found a Valero priced at 1.89...wtf? lol I just put 3 bucks in, enough to get me home. In SA, its 1.71. I saw some reallll nice eye candy though with a fucking sexy car...shii-ettt. lol

Today, I woke up particularly early. I trimmed my bro's hair. He wouldn't let me give him a haircut. What a wimp. I took a shower, got ready...by that time it was 1215. lol I was supposed to be gone. We headed out and I remembered that I did NOT have gas. I drove to the gas station only to realize that pumps had been stopped. Why? IDK...I drove to Krogers to get my gma some flowers. It was supposed to be a 5 minute-tops stop. Nah, it sure wasn't. I hadn't seen so many ghetto people packed into a Krogers in my life. The line was longgg, uncivilized people don't know how to form a effin line. It pissed me off so bad. I felt really anxious...like I was about to snap. I also bought some dry food good for the food drive...I felt good about myself. haha.

I headed over to Ana's house. Still no gas. I didn't feel as bad that I was running late because Vanessa was also late. We headed out to the Galleria...Vanessa brought he cousin with her, and Shani said that she made the conversation awkward. OMG...the waiter had the sexiest voice I've ever heard...lol He was talking to us, and I was trying to figure out what to think of his voice. He left and Shani goes, "Ouufff His voice is SEXY! When he came right next to me and said something really close (he explained why her sushi wouldn't be able to come out first) I wanted him to whisper some more" lol It seemed like all the male waiters were coming over to our table, when everybody already had tables of their own. It was WEIRD. They were all really nice...wtf? lol I mean yeah they should be nice OUR waiter should be nice, but the other ones? What were they gonna get out of it?

Of course we had to go to Lush. Please, somebody tell me why there are two Macy's at the Galleria. Seems pretty pointless. I had left Buffy in SA...I bought two other body butters...

I went to my Gma's house next. When I got there she was fast asleep. Mayra was in a bitchy ass mood. IDK...whatever it was, wasn't my fault...She asked me if I was hungry, and I said no that I just came back from Kona, and that I was broke anyway. Then she was like..."youre broke but you just came back from Kona?" Mom actually gave me 20 bucks for lunch...so that pretty much covered it for both my bro and I. Grandma woke up, and Mayra let her know she was hungry...She suggested to make some quesadillas. Nah uh...she wasn't having that and she snapped at her. I was like WHOOOAAA!

My aunt woke up and suggested to get pizza...blah. She then said she needed to leave. She didn't say why just took off with Dina. Karen was like..."I wanted to go and she didn't invite me. Even if she would have invited me, I wouldn't have gone though since she was so mad." I was like...ok...I guess. What upset me was that she went out and didn't even ask me to go. I mean I most likely wasn't going to go, but she didn't even much think to ask me out of courtesy. Everytime I'm at her house, its like she only hangs out with me because she doesn't have anybody else to hang out with - not because she really wants to. The friends that might do something extremely bad to her...are like the center of her life. Maybe I should start viewing her differently from now on. She has done a lot of things that have hurt my feelings...and I'm tired of it. I don't think the relationship is gonna be the same.

After she left...things were said about her...not nice things either. I'm surprised the women there were so vocal about those things. I don't understand her behavior to be honest. I know exactly what my flaws are...what I do wrong, and I am probably open to hear any others, but she doesn't seem to see hers. I know IT SUCKS to hear people raggin' on you...It seems like even Grandma is super frustrated. Everybody wondered wtf she was so infuriated about. We were only bystanders caught in her angry fury.

Same Wave Length

I should be asleep because...its 330 in the morning and I barely slept much last night, or morning I should say. I studied my ass off for the Statistics exam. There were 16 questions. I think for sure I had 13 right. I finished within a half an hour. I gave Prof. K a smug smile. He looked at me surprised and said, "have a good Spring Break Cindy" Idk...bringing myself up from a 44? Pshh...I know I can do it!!! If I put half of that effort into my other classes...ugh. I hate school so much.

I wanna be out in the world. I wanna do what I'm supposed to do...work. Be part of that adulthood. I mean, I so shy away from it because its tremendously scary...No parents to fall back on.

I was talking to my mom today before I started packing. She says my little brother has taken a huge interest in girls. He actually pays attention to his outer appearance, finally! I guess thats when it kicks in, unless youre part of that weird crowd. haha. The crowd of kids that nobody talks to...Anyway, my dad had deposited my refund check earlier this week...Mom said that he felt proud of himself for doing it. I like how he always gets this satisfaction of helping me...idk do all fathers feel that way? She said that he wanted to come visit me this past Sunday...that would have been nice. He hates San Antonio. So, I know that it would have been a big deal to him to even mention it. She said, "He REALLY misses you when you don't have that monthly visit, but you know how he is. He never shares those emotions with anyone. I told him that you were coming back this week. thats why he decided not to go" Meh...I like him visiting though. Idk...These past 2 years I've grown ever so close to my dad. I see myself in him...He may not be the best spouse, but he's been a good dad.

Haha...he's even ventured out to places with us that he would never go to just to spend time with me. Like the Madeleine...lol he liked it though. i would have assumed that that place was too girly for him...somehow. haha. He said that he enjoyed how "light" the food was. I should have known since he devoured that ceasar salad.

I'm looking forward to Saturday. Yay!!!! I get to see my twin and Ana S...Not H. lol. Its so weird. In high school it was blah blah blah Ana...which Ana? Ana H or Ana R? Now Ana H is married so she's Ana S for Scott. I still think its weird that she's married, but thats what I said when Vanessa found out she was pregnant with Alyssa. I haven't been to Kona since August...I should have some...kick ass sushi or something.

I have to see my gma the same day...or she'll be upset. I've been hearing that she's been especially, delicate. Not physically but emotionally. I think she feels like she's been abandoned somehow...like She's an old person that is not wanted but still fully capable of taking care of herself...like a step away from Nursing Home, you know? I mean IDK...If I were in Houston I would visit her often. It annoys the hell out of me that people right down the street can't just go over and help her for a little while or just keep her company. being by yourself alone, with your own thoughts can't be THAT healthy after a while. That's when you start to overanalyze and feel shitty about yourself. haha.

I'll probably spend a lot of time with Vanessa. Idk. I have the weird desire to be around her...because I feel like she's the only one that understands me, understands my pain. We think on the same wave-length...haha And sometimes we know what we are both thinking eventhough we haven't said a word. Blah. I feel a bit guilty that I don't spend enough time with Mario. I wish we lived closer. We haven't really spoken much since Ive left but thats a given. We're always like that. I will promise myself to at least spend 3 days with him. Not 3 FULL days lol. I wanna see so many people and I feel like theres not enough time. I added another date to the next week with heather. I haven't seen her in a year I think. And then I have to see Chick'n I haven't seen him in a year either. I want to see other people too. I wanna see everyone!!!

I have to buy more Lush stuff. I've made up my mind. My skin is DRAMATICALLY softer. I wanna make love to my skin! hahaha. I was tempted the buy the MAC moisturelush ($40...gasp!)or even the strobe cream...but I think I will give a Lush moisturizer a try first. I also wanna try the shampoo and conditioners. and the hair dye! and! and! idk everything else. A bath bomb, maybe?

I finished the Twilight series...and it left me wanting more. Ugh, bella...no. She annoyed me after I kind of sided of Jacob...So, I would want to see a book by Jake talking about him and Renesme's relationship. I don't know what audiobook will fill my nights now. :( I'm sad. I guess I'll just get another Orson Scott Card book...ouuuu Empire! yes! That will be my next one!

Blah now I'm just jabbering...off to bed.

Yuck

I'm so disgusted with things...with myself...with life - today anyway. Work went by like any other day. The kids were ok...had like 4 meltdowns, more than usual. Peyton said that she wanted me to be her mommy. Aww I love Peyton. That made my day...somehow.

I went to class and I actually paid attention. I mean I never really paid attention because I was always so confused. I wish he would have worked through problems like that before. I would have understood so much better. Now, the test is like...two days away. I don't think I could get it all in my head. I will probably spend the whole night studying in the library. I'm due for a study session. I haven't really cracked open my books. That's what I will be doing my whole spring break for the Accounting test the Monday that follows.

I ate some pasta...and watched the Nip/Tuck season finale. The ending sucked. Not because it was bad but because it was a little sad, in a way.

I got a headache. A really bad, annoying one joined with a really nauseous feeling. I wanted to throw up. Too many mushrooms I guess. I decided to take a bath. They usually de-stress me. I also wanted to try out the Lush stuff I grabbed yesterday. I spent a whole hour and a half in the tub. I slumped in...listening to the 4th book. The warm water was soothing. I wish I could have fallen asleep there, but I didn't feel like drowning today, and the water would have turned ice cold then shani turned on the AC. My headache went away. I feel just really hot now. Annoyingly hot.

The Lush products are amazing...and VEGAN :) My skin feels so soft. My face smells like blueberries, my hair smells like chocolate ahaha, and my body smells like honey. Meh...maybe all the smells would not be such a good thing, but idk I don't think they have mixed together.
I don't feel like facing today...or any other day.

I'm like 4 days away from the call...the birthday call. I really hope he doesn't answer. I DO want to hear his voice though. He's never rejected my phone calls...he always answers. He's only not answered once, but texted me right away...he was in class. I had dialed him on accident...but it was sweet of him to respond anyway.

I hate the thoughts that are flooding my mind now...when he said, "How could I ever stop loving you?" he said that after...we...broke...up...bleh. I'm stupid for remembering. I want to cut them...snip snip snip and let them all float away. The only time I really let myself think about it too much is when I'm idle. Especially while driving...of course the Fountain Soundtrack was in...Tears fill my eyes, but I stop it before they run down my cheeks.

I'm looking forward to Spring Break. I need it. I need to leave...I need to be around other people or I need to be...with my closer friends. Vanessa txtd me today, "I can't wait until the old crew comes together. I miss the times when we were rolling around in Ana's van" I laughed out loud, literally, and instantly remembered the bag of old clothes we used as bean bags in the back. I think I want to come back early though. I want to spend time by myself. All by myself. I think I need it, deserve it.

blah...follow your fucking bliss.

Fun Weekend

I nearly overslept on Saturday...good thing I randomely woke up like an hour before I was supposed to leave for the marketing study. That was some bullshit. I wonder what the fuck marking "e" off of two sheets of paper meant, and hershey's kisses. haha whatever. i just have one more study to go and I'm DONE! I was supposed to go to Claire's with Shani right before my Mkt Study, but like I said I overslept. So, we went afterwards. I was being stupid and I bought some glasses. I wore them all that day. Supposedly, I looked "emo." haha Funny stuff. Then we had lunch at MacGrill cause we had a coupon.

We didn't really have time to go back home because the Tail Gatin' party was about to start, but as we waited in the car for Amanda, Shani got something in her eye and we had to return to the apt. I took the opportunity to straighten my hair cause it was looking a mess. At the TG, we had the soccer chics put bad ass tats on our faces, some other chic made a Rowdy baloon bracelet for us hehehe, we had sausage on a stick, we bought some kick ass I love UTSA shirts, we enjoyed the band play, we got some bracelets with "Rowdy Trio" imprinted on 'em, we got some keychains with us sitting on a big ass blue couch and blah.

The game was super exciting. We were sitting right behind the blue crew. If we would have sat down we would have been at the edge of our seats. lol the game was close throughout the whol entire game. In the end, we won!!! Oh yess! So we had to celebrate! We went to the Cantina. I was really hoping to not see somebody, and I didn't, yeeess! lol. When Shani and I were about to take a picture, some girl came up to me, and asked me if she could share the table. I still had my rr tat on my cheek, and she asked me where I had gotten it from. I kind of hesitated to answer. Then she says, "I was at the golf tournament and wasn't able to go to the game" Shani answered her question, and then she said, "Do you happen to know where I could get one now?" and I said, "Actually I have one!" The people inside of the Convi were passing some out...and I had just stuffed them in my purse.

So, as I searched, she's waiting there smiling at me and I'm like...oh man I really do hope I have one. lol I didn't wanna let her down. Finally, I found one and the looks at the tat and says, "I'm going to treasure this for the rest of my life now!" She looked like I had just given her the best present ever...haha. and I said, "You can't wash it off or I'll come looking for you" she responds "Oh no! I'm not even going to put it on. I'm just going to keep it with me always" lol I didn't think of it...Shani flagged me to take the picture with her, and DJ starts talking to the girl. She waited there for a minute...Shani and I were still taking pictures...So, she leaves.

Then, DJ goes, "That girl was hitting on you" and I'm like, "Really?" Then Shani says, "Its the glasses" haha...I was amused because I really didn't believe it. She was a pretty girl...and I don't automatically think girls are lesbians unless they wear dude clothes or have manly haircuts. then DJ says, "She DOES play golf" haha. Well, she was drinking a beer too. but some girls drink beer...whatever. I thought that was funny. Then the more I thought about it...I wasn't aware that that was happening...or that I was even "flirting" back. And I felt bad for ignoring her...weird-ness!!!! I didn't drink very much. I had alcohol two days out of the week already. My liver could just not take it. I was in a LOT of pain...and I still am. boo to that!

The pain woke me up this morning, like at 1030. yeah that much pain. lol. at 1045 my aunt calls and asks me at what time I was heading out to the outlets and I let her know. Then she says come pick me up...So I get there at 1130 but dont leave until 12. We were going about our merry way to the outlets and we were NO-JOKE 10 minutes away. Those 10 minutes turned into 1 hour and 45 minutes. 35 was closed BOTH ways, and New Braunfels police made us go into the COUNTRY! it was the gayest shit in the world. Cows...cows, shacks as houses, one horse, hay, dead grass, more cows, barbed wire...scenic.

Ok, now I'm bothered by the whole 60 dollars thing for the people at the front office...because I kind of went overboard at the CCO. I only went overboard because I knew that I wasn't going to come back in like...months (2 tops!). If I wouldn't have gotten those 4 brushes I would have been fine. BUT ARGH! I really wanted the stippler brush, can't think of the number right now. We ate at Johnny Rockets. Its been a WHOLE year since I've eaten there (The last time was in Vegas).

We headed over to Coach. That place was hella packed. Guess what? I actually walked out with a Purse...omg. I am so against expensive purses and I have one now. It was a STEAL though. Priced originally at 309, I got it for 94 bucks. Then we went to the gap...oh gosh I got this one shirt that I thought I wasn't going to like because I HATE turtle necks...and it was 5 bucks. I considered getting it in two colors, but again, I dont like turtle necks. Turned out, I liked the turtle neck...SOOOO much. Its super cute. I regretted not buying it in brown. Thats why I should try on things before I walk out with em! I wanted to buy everything at Bath and Body Works. They had this HUGE sale. Everything was less than 5 bucks, or if they weren't less than 5 they were crazy-big sizes for refills. I didn't have any dinero though. I only walked out with a shampoo because my last use was today (I do have my clarifying one, but i only use that once a week), and a antibacterial thing for the car. what a shame!

All in all it was a pretty bad ass weekend. expect i am in the hole for 40 bucks...I'm going to have to beg my mom to deposit my refund check tomorrow!