Halloween vid

Excitement

OMG!

Oh jeez

So...the more and more Matthew and I...are uh...whatever we are the more and more I have feelings for him. Yeah, they're mighty scary. I must admit. I am falling for him.

EWWWW

What the Hell Cindy!?!?

Since we have dif sleeping schedules I send him a little night story. its the cutest thing. We were on webcam the other day and he said he wanted a picture...but I was like blah I mean he could see me whats the point. So I said I would do it later...We talked and then he went to sleep. I, of course did not, and just tried to figure out this whole picture thing. So instead of just one...I sent him like a little narration of what I did at night along with pictures. He really liked it, "Its like a story" lol I've been doing it all week. With the exception of yesterday morning cause I was busy cleaning.

I think he owns the most amount of pictures of me than anyone else. Well...other than my mom of course. And all the Facebook albums lol What I find weird is that I am usually very...like picky about the photos that I let anyone see, but with him...idk. I feel comfortable enough to let him see me without makeup. I mean I wouldn't usually mind but my face is a mine field ATM. Which is pretty much gross.

I spoke to Esteban yesterday before movie night with Shani and Jessica, and he was like, "You're the loser who said that you were NEVER going to date another white guy again, and look at you! You are with ANOTHER white guy!" I had completely forgotten that I had said that. I said it repeatedly too, it wasn't just a one time thing. idk. The whole Steven thing def left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I mean, it had NOTHING to do with race. He was just NOT, def NOT the one for me. I had to force my emotion for him because I needed to get over Juan.

See...with Matthew they were just born...NATURALLY. I spent a whole year without a person I gave two shits about...and in comes Matthew. Unexpectedly. Like a gift from science...lol LITERALLY because he was a reverse vasectomy baby.

I ADDOOOORREEEE HIM...really. lol

And his lame laugh.

and his nerdy glasses

and his awesome colored eyes...yummy

and his...his...everything LMAO

I always said that I would have traded Steven in for Juan...but I'm not so sure I would trade in Matthew for Juan.

Family

Erlyns and Dustin's Party 10/24

Luck

Halloween

IDK...I honestly and seriously feel like crap. I wanna scream at somebody just because. I don't even know what to say anymore. Like really? What was the fucking point of Matthew coming back into my life when he can't deliver? I am soooo mad!