Title FAIL

I slept for 13 hours last night and I'm sick. My cough sounds disgusting, but at least I don't have a runy nose.

Everytime I rush and eat my breakfast before class I feel so nauseated by the time I get to class. I have two tests Thursday and a paper due Sunday. I haven't started my volunteer work, and I can only volunteer Saturdays. I got one of my papers back from my class and I think that's the maddest I've ever been for getting an A ever. He said that it wasn't organized the way he wanted when I swear it was -5 for that and then he gave me a 3 out of 4 for my writing. Idk it felt like a slap in the face. Idk why I took it so personal. I should have used 10 dollar words. -5 for that too. Straight up faggetry.

I went to this ghetto store named Melrose today. I got this jacket from there last October that I really love and I was meaning to go back. I had some free time before I picked up my bro. When I walked in two chics with two sm children walked out. The whole time I was there I heard children crying. If it wasn't some chics kid it was the other broad's 2nd infant. I don't hate on the young ghetto mothers, if that's what works then its whatever, but I thank the inventor of birth control everyday for not coming up preggo in high school or after. With this ABA training though I think I will educate my child to be so smart lol. Let me cross my fingers.

Esteban called me on valentines day. He said he had a horrible one because his gf was throwing a bitch fit. I'm not surprised really. It happens nearly every other day.

My iPod headphones are struggling to stay alive but they are nearing their end.

I had to use a hair toner today and I got some in my mouth. It numbed my mouth for a good 30 minutes lol.

I saw Matthew again online today. Ugh. I need to delete him off my list or something. It irks me to see his name there. I can't imagine anything happening with him ever not even a friendship. So why does it bother me? Maybe I need to go to his house and punch him in the face. Yes? No...he's white. He'd probably file something legal against me lmao. I hate him.

I'm really digging this song
Letters from the sky
By civil twilight

Especially 0:48-0:59. :)
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Because its v-day?

I managed to go through today taking it as a regular Sunday, nothing special at all. I have like 3 vids that I haven't uploaded. 2 major vids I haven't even edited. Blah.

Anyway, today was pretty whatever. I made chicken and cleaned the whole house with my bro. My mind was occupied for the most part. I even laughed at the fact that one of my ex's status was all emo because he was alone on this day. Loser! Lmao

I signed on to yahoo and Matthew was online. Good thing I always sign in invisible. Lol. I don't want him to think that I was only online for him or that I wanted to speak to him or that I was online on v-day. Oh the multitude of crap that I think of. Lol.

I loaded a crap load of music on to my iPod, particularly Placebo. I've been listening to them like crazy recently. I'm in bed right now listening through one earbud since I always mess them up. So, I downloaded songs without pre listening. The third song on my playlist was the Romeo and Juliet song. Ugh. It upset me. Not because it was the Romeo song but because it was all sad sounding. Then of course when I'm all emo I think of Juan.

The whole "nobody compares to him" thing always circles my mind. My mind cannot wrap itself around finding somebody better or equivalent. It can't. Its not capable. This plagues me. I compare everyone to him. I forget that everyone is their own person.

I fantasize about how it would be to marry him, to have his children, to build an entire life with him. Pointless thoughts. Time wasted. I'm not ever even going to see him. I'm not going to touch him. Too much time has been placed in between us. Ugh. Sometimes I think that I should hire a private eye in a couple of years so that I can track him down and "bump" into him. If he's in Cali I'd ask Val to hook me up with a job at Paramount.

What I would give to be in the same room with him or to even hear his voice. I refuse to delete his number. I miss how he made fun of me for laughing with my mouth closed. I miss how we used to call eachother gay when we were sweet to eachother. I just want him to come back to me.

Ugh. I haven't gotten this emotional in MONTHS especially over him.

Blah. I need a delorian to go back to 2007.
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