Out all night

For some reason...I had the urge to call German last night. I did...and he was studying for his Pshyc test. I let him go after a minute, and then he called me back like 5 minutes later. And we decided to go to the library. He said we shouldn't mess around and blah blah. And I was cool with it. I don't HAVE to kiss him...or be touched by him for that matter. I was ok with the fact that we were going to hang out as friends. And besides...all I really care about is that he's not with her. She's been staying in with the guy downstairs all week, but not today...well. I dunno. She left an hour ago...

Well we were studying until like 330...but then...we commenced into...yeah. I didnt want to...I said no for a while...but dammit! I couldn't resist. Then at around 5 we left, and we had tickets...great! we headed over to TC, and he was talking to me about how his dad's clinic got shot up by some black guy. He was so mad...and I tried to console him...I hugged him...but he pulled away after a second. I didnt like that AT ALL. and I was kinda hurt you know? He tried to console me...lol he rubbed my back, but he didnt get what was going on.

I felt SOOOOO tired...but I couldnt go to sleep. I had been up almost 24 fuckin hours. 2 hours shy of it. I felt bad...Aaron called me when I was heading out, But I didnt answer. I called him back today, but he was pissed off. LOL I sent him a message saying that I hated him...blah I don't give a fuck. I should just stay away from him.

I woke up at 12...blah I didnt wanna go to class...but i dragged myself out of bed. After class I went to get my refill at this new place. The pedi was EXPENSIVE! 30 dollars! blah but it looks cute. there was some drama going on up in there..I was like ouuuu lol

well...whatever...I have to pull an all nighter now. I hate tests

Acting like Jay?

My foot fell asleep ahhh! lol ... nah I'm a lil upset and maybe thats why I am procrastinating. No wait...I am a natural procrastinator. Me, Andee and Shani went to see this French Movie this afternoon and it was awesome. It was a really cute movie...cartoon sillouets. Cheered me up a bit. I've been a bit down since i havent seen or spoken to German. Besides things with Aaron arent any better.

After I got back on campus...I went back outside to get the rest of the stuff that I had left in my car. I got my crap and I was walking back when I noticed a truck pulling out of a parking spot right next to the Cafe and I was like, "Hey that looks like German's truck" at that time I just thought I was being ridiculous, but then it pulls out and theres the scoop on the hood. So it was him. Do you know how much I burned with jealousy and anger all at the same time? Why couldnt it be me he was out with? Why cant he scoop me up to go somewhere random? WHY!!?!? lol I'm going crazy!!!

I dont wanna be like Jay and bother the fuck outta him. I dont wanna smother him. I dont want him to think I'm still madly in love with him. I want to be nonchalant but i cant! Ten thousand times I wish I had never met him at all. And by disgrace we will still live close to eachother next semester...why oh why? Today I was searching like crazy on Xanga to see if I could find his blog...but no luck. I just wanna know how he feels about me without actually asking.

Ahhh...I'm stressing a LOT!

You Can't fix Stupid

Nobody wants me to go to Washington...and maybe I dunno, maybe I shouldnt go. I wanna see him dearly...lol Actually I wanna get laid lol nahhh I'm joking. I dunno...I felt REALLY bad last night. He called me when I was heading out to see German (the ex college sweetheart), so I didnt answer. I didnt come back to the dorm until almost 3am and He was already asleep.

So...yeah German texted me on Sunday morning and he said that he loved me and that he missed me. I dunno why he tells me shit like that. I was being a bitch to him again and he got really upset. I was like ohhh no! lol Me ti la pata! But I got to see him...we talked for a long time. It was really nice...Maybe I'm like getting over him breaking up with me. Or maybe not...no se.

Crazy Stuff...

So this past week has been kinda weird on me. The supposed college sweetheart broke up with me on Sunday...but a few hours later I got back with Aaron. I'm still hurt about the college sweetheart to be honest with you. I mean I thought that things would work out wonderfully...but he was just a college player...like most guys are, he was just interested in sex. Maybe things wouldnt be so bad with me emotionally if we hadnt done anything. Don't get me wrong...I didnt fuck him, but still. What bothers me more is that he's been hanging out a lot with my room mate...and he tells me purposely as if to make me jealous...and its working. I hate it! It makes me feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough. Maybe...if I EVER get thin, he'll know what he missed out on. lol I dont know...I'm just trying to make myself feel better.

That day...I was determined to go see Aaron at any cost. I miss Aaron...I miss him more than anything...Aaron is my safe haven...my rock...my strength. Seeing Aaron is going to cost me big bucks...300 for plane ticket...and extra stuff. hotel, transportation, food. well Maybe not food (talk about that later). I told mom...yeah I know that was kinda stupid on my count. But I wanted to get a discount at the marriot dammit!!! lol...and I would feel guilty...a bit. And then they would ask where i spent all my money on and what not. I'm just really stressed out and I wanna see my babe...the love of my life.

So about food...for some reason...well i probably know why, but anyway. I havent been eating right this week. For example, today's dinner and only meal consisted of a 100 calorie pack and my pills, with water of course. I'm not hungry...I dont want food. Yesterday I ate more...i had some strawberries and the calorie pack. And I've been going to the gym...90 minutes, burning about 800 calories. and adding abs class to it. Maybe...its cause of the whole break up thing. That i'm not thin enough for society's "pretty." I dunno...I'm just not hungry. Maybe when I go back home I'll be back to normal. Since everybody just seems to eat over there.