Different perspective

I told my friend Michelle about my crazed feelings last night, and this is what she wrote to me:

Oy, i think it is really hard when you love someone that much and things end in a weird way. i dont think its crazy. My major ex of 8 years, we broke up 1.5 years ago, and haven't talked since january, and honestly i still think of him often..... the thing is this. its done and over with and think about how different you are from 4 years ago - he is also a different man now. you are becoming an even different version of yourself, and when you are ready you are going to meet someone completely wonderful and amazing, that deserves you. i think i know how you feel. even writting this now, i am thinking about joel, and if it would work if we got back together..... but i guess at the end of the day things end for one reason or another and its over. we are both making such huge changes in our lives and we have to move forward. its a weird thing being in love. there is a book i really love and he sums it up perfectly.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

it is right isn't it ?
we both need to let go of those people and love them for who they were, but move along.

xo

More thoughts on this later