Wow, another depressing blog, Cindy? Yeah pretty much. I should rename the blog Cinders' depressing blogs about obesity, and some guy named Juan.
All of the sudden, I just felt like crying...and crying, and crying some more. I feel like I've built up my life to revolve around those months with Juan, and its driving me insane. I can't do it anymore. Can I put it in a box, lock it up, and put it away? no. I'm not capable of closing that chapter in my life.
Esteban asked me, "Do you know if he has a girlfriend now?" Hell no. Would I want to know? No. I could only imagine how devastated I would be. I know that its normal for people to move on, and have their lives, but I don't want him to...or I want to pretend like he hasn't.
And again I went on a google rampage... Jan 9, 2010 in Houston selling parts through a guy named Bryan's houston-import board thing. Same number. I hyperventilated. Why? I don't know. Maybe I thought that he actually still lived here. Now, I feel very dizzy, and nauseous.
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