Seems like everybody around me is havin the time of their lives and I'm stuck here in a neverending circle of anguish. I was actually thinking of calling Esteban today but I decided not to. Sometimes I feel like such a woos (as John would say), however you spell it. I feel that if I call him i will only end up hurting or being ignored by him because his little hoe is calling him. I still have the strong desire to spill my guts to him...to get this load off my shoulders and just tell him how i've felt this past year, but I fear that that will be a very bad idea and I will end up pushing him farther away than he already is.
I'm still anxiously waiting for Aaron to come around...why is it that its almost as if it were an obssesion. I need to hear from him...I need him with me...I need him here. I wish he would be stationed here in San Antonio...ahh...that would be awesome. who knows if he was lying to me in the first place though...I'm still beating myself up...cause I didnt pick up that one day...when I received his message...why doesn't he call me again? His 9 weeks are up arent they?
I was talking to John yesterday...the first time since he got back from his little Rita road trip hahaha. It was so fun...or maybe I was just in a good mood. He said I didnt sound so funny, I just sounded as if I had a lisp. (so far Ive talked to both my parents numerous times and they havent said anything). For some reason i told him a lot of things that I only talked to Aaron about. Aaron is the single person that knows me more than I know myself. That always weirded me out and he always had the upper hand. John's always told me that I can talk to him about anything...I guess I am talking to him about anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment