Everyday/Over

Esteban has been calling me everyday since friday. i don't know if i should be glad, or just be like whatever about it. I dont know exactly why he's calling me. Yeah him and that slut back whore arent officially talking anymore, but when him and Arlette the other slut back whore broke up, he didnt come running to me. He just mentioned it, once. and that was it.

Today he called and I thought it was my mom and Shani grabbed the cell and she couldnt unplug it from the charger it was funny and then I couldnt unplug it...and I panicked and didnt know what button to press. ahahahah and I was laughing really hard when I answered and he was like, "Aww, youre always laughing, always laughing" The tone he said it with was like one of those tones you take when you adore something, when you miss something really bad. Like the tone I take when I talk about him. I felt special hehehehe

then he started talking to me about the slut back whore, named Valerie. Supposedly she likes someone else...and left him. Ha! Ring any bells. Whoa! What he did to me happened to him. And he did the same exact thing I did...got shit faced. I still love Esteban, I will just call the whole Arlette thing lack of judgement.

I still havent told him what I'm supposed to tell him, but someday I'll find a way to tell him.

I had the big fight with John again...last night and I started crying...a LOT. It kinda distracted me from the plan I had which was to study my ass off for my Anthropology exam. I didnt get myself together until like 3am. And I pulled an all nighter. I got an 80.

_____Esteban Called at 200am_____
The crying continues...Esteban is obssessed with Valerie...he cares about her madly the way he never cared for me. I'm supposed to be OVER it, so when he called I did what he asked me to do. I called the slut back whore's casa...twice. I saw no point in what that benefitted him in any kind of way...Maybe he just wanted to hear her voice. I was getting really irritated...and I told him, "you seem bored. Is that all you needed from me?" Cause of course thats all he wanted from me. And me being the stupid retard that i am that will do anything for him, I did it. And then...when he didnt need me anymore he said he had to go to bed, well I told him to go to bed cause it was really late...so that he would stop stressing over it and leave me alone.

I just...felt so freakin JEALOUS. and used...He will NEVER see me the same way he did. Give it up CINDY!!! I'm just one of the good friends that he thinks he will always have. And theres no freakin point in me telling him a damn thing. I wouldnt be surprised if he didnt call me for a while. He said that he kissed her today...he kissed her...wow.

As the tears flow down my face I see that I gain nothing with it. and God has totally forgotten about me since the start of summer. I want to scream, I want to curse God and all his heavens. Its all in my...I dont have anything left, so what can I loose plan.

I'm still the naive girl from freshman year that jumps ino conclusions w/o looking at the facts.